Here's that comic book ad from the middle of episode 22

Click on the image to see full size version. From Weird Terror No. 7 (September 1953).

Caught Offguard - Episode 22

Can Falk resist The Offguard’s peculiar talent? Is a background in food service enough to snag a job as a burglar’s assistant? Is there anything different or special in painkillers marketed to women? Find out! Then get back to me cuz I don’t know.

Caught Offguard, episode 22 of This Gun in My Hand, was written, performed and edited by Rob Northrup. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, information on how to subscribe, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. I’m sorry, were you startled by... This Gun in My Hand?

This episode is also available on Youtube, or in formats other than mp3 on archive.org.

Show Notes:
1. Muskingum College, The Offguard’s alma mater, is in eastern Ohio. Notable alumni include astronaut John Glenn and the actress Agnes Moorehead.

2. According to the Internet, the pronunciations “car BINE” and “car BEAN” are commonly used in the US. For the definitive source on this one, I followed the way Peter Billingsley as Ralphie pronounces it in A Christmas Story, and he says carBINE.

3. In spite of its effects as a blood thinner, aspirin is an acceptable pain reliever for mild menstrual cramps according to the Internet.

4. Vickie Olson is the daughter of Mackenzie Olson, also known as Ka-Ren, who appeared briefly in Episode 15 - “Gun Buyback.”

5. What was I watching that I stole the surname “Spoljar” from? Romance of a Horsethief (1971) starring Yul Brynner, Eli Wallach, Lainie Kazan, David Opatoshu and Serge Gainsbourg, with Branko Špoljar as Strugatch.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Music from the comic book ad was from the public domain film Hollow Triumph/The Scar (1948). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound effect title: House Front Door Inside 3.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/saturdaysoundguy/sounds/388027/#

Sound effect title: "Cutlery drawer"
License: Public Domain
http://soundbible.com/591-Cutlery-Drawer.html

Sound effect title: "Light bulb breaking"
By Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/105-Light-Bulb-Breaking.html

Sound effect title: Hitting in a Face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/florianreichelt/sounds/460509/

Sound effect title: Punch in the face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Huminaatio/sounds/390462/

Sound effect title: Title: Body fall_02.wav 
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Adam_N/sounds/346694/

The image associated with this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Thrilling Detective, Vol. 60, No. 3 (October 1947). Public domain. Artist unknown.

The text of the comic book ad comes from Weird Terror, No. 7 (September 1953).

Alternate graphics and behind-the-scenes junk

I found four public domain images that seemed to work for the subject matter of The Vaudevillain, but wasn't sure which was best. So I polished them all, modified them and removed words so they'd be "finished," then tried to assess which seemed best.

The first one comes from Broadway Romances No. 5 (Sept 1950). The joke in the word balloon would be lost on anyone unfamiliar with the Niagara Falls routine by the Three Stooges. Another problem is that these images accompanying podcast episodes may be shrunk down to tiny thumbnails, so the caption would be illegible and the whole image might be unrecognizable. I liked how it clearly showed a theater with seats during rehearsal, but it's not very eye-catching or exciting.

The second candidate comes from Dime Detective Magazine, Vol. 67, No. 2 (June 1952). Provocative lady dancer, bad guy poking out from behind a curtain. Gunshot! Excitement! But there's no cop in this episode and the Vaudevillain wouldn't wear prison stripes.

The third candidate came from a dime novel called Work And Win #7 (January 20, 1899). "An Interesting Weekly for Young America." I like the confrontation on stage, but again, the details don't line up at all with this episode. No one onstage wore a European military uniform, there's no audience in the podcast episode. Given the apparent villainy of the man in uniform, the frontiersman on the left might be seen to represent Falk, and I'm leery of depicting him in much detail. Again, the words and overall picture might be unrecognizable when reduced to a thumbnail. I liked the image overall, but mainly the time period was wrong. Ideally This Gun in My Hand should look like 1930s-1940s, and I was aiming for 20th Century Vaudeville, not 1899.

I settled on this cover below from Dime Detective, Vol 65, No 2 (February 1951). Presumably any Vaudeville performance might include wild costumes. I didn't picture The Vaudevillain exactly like this guy, but the smoking gun, the threat, a little bit of skin, the black mask are all great pulp imagery. It's big enough that it should work in a thumbnail, the art is great, and it has some excitement.

Counting the full scripts for episodes 1 through 21, I've tricked myself into writing 56,688 words between Sept 13, 2020 and May 23, 2021. The first episode was released Oct 14, 2021, so I'm averaging almost three episodes per month. No promises on how the schedule will continue, because that kind of promise will start to feel like a burden. Just let it happen, man.

Since I'm more focused on trying to be funny at all costs, willing to let it go surreal or absurd or contradictory and straighten out any continuity errors with retcons or jokes or bullshit later, I don't feel the kind of pressure that I would from trying to write a half-serious novel or even a short story. In fact, painting myself into a corner becomes a fun challenge: how can I weasel my way out later? I throw this at the wall and see what sticks, not worried about it being accepted by editors. I thought I could trick myself into finishing The Lollipop Mutiny, a novel idea I've been kicking around for over a decade, but the pressure to get that just right has me stymied still. 

We're coming up on the end of Season Two in another five episodes. There's no external reason why I should group episodes as seasons, but I've decided each set of 13 will be called a season. Like I did near the end of Season One, I'm trying to end with a bang, either a nice cliffhanger or what I think is a funny episode. So I try to write 3-4 episodes in a lump before recording and releasing them, then release them with the best episode last. (The rest of the time, I usually write one, record it, and I'm on to the next one.)

Hope you're enjoying it. More to come!

The Vaudevillain - Episode 21

Will our hero survive the deadly high-kicking chorus line known as The Zildjian Follies? Will the contortionists bend him in half? Can he possibly survive a confrontation with The Vaudevillain? Find out!

The Vaudevillain, episode 21 of This Gun in My Hand, was dramatized by Rob Northrup. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, information on how to subscribe, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. What really killed Vaudeville? This Gun in My Hand!

This episode is also available on Youtube, and in audio formats other than mp3 on archive.org.

Show Notes:
1. This episode was inspired by listening to an episode of Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast, a roundtable discussion about Abbot & Costello from November 23rd, 2020. https://megaphone.link/STA4581019929

2. The “Stranger with a Kind Face” is one of the names of a comedy routine credited to several performers. The most widely known versions today might be the Three Stooges’ “Slowly I Turn/Niagara Falls” routine or Abbott & Costello’s “Susquehanna Hat Company.”

Slowly I turn - Niagara Falls - Three Stooges
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yJBhzMWJCc

Susquehanna Hat Co./Bagel Street - Abbott & Costello
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THZV5g1CNZM

Niagara Falls - Abbott & Costello
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuMpcSTlB70

Who’s on First - Abbott & Costello
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sShMA85pv8M

3. The Vaudevillain mistakenly announced that the insurance commercial sketch began with Froggy onstage. Due to a last minute switch of roles, it was actually Peetie playing the man on phone and Froggy playing Mr. Christian. The Vaudevillain doesn’t pay enough attention to his performers to notice that they had switched.

4. I don’t vouch for the authenticity of the description of a 1789 Royal Navy Lieutenant’s uniform. What Mr. Christian describes in the sketch was taken from an auction for Brando’s costume from the 1962 film Mutiny on the Bounty. It sounded convincing enough.

Music and Sound Effects Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Title: Final Can Can section from the overture to Jacques Offenbach's opera Orpheus in the Underworld (1858)
License: Public Domain
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Offenbach_-_Orpheus_in_the_Underworld_-_Overture,_Can_Can_section.ogg

Title: Cloth Flaps
By Sauron974
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Sauron974/sounds/188733/

Title: Traffic mel 1.wav
By malupeeters
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/

Cracking, splintering wood sound
Title: falling gumtree.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/ianoboe/sounds/150203/

Title: Gun Fire
By GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Title: DANCING-STEPS-FEET-WOODEN-FLOOR.wav
By Maurice_J_K
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Maurice_J_K/sounds/343724/

Title: Fanfarenzug Ottheinrich (9). “Bläser, Trommler und Fahnenschwinger des Fanfarenzuges Ottheinrich beim Mittelalterfest in Eggenburg (11. Sept. 2011).”
By Dancona11 (Youtube uploader), Fanfarenzug Ottheinrich (Musicians)
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXwjCa-smmA

Music to contort by:
Title: Follies.wav
By daveincamas
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/daveincamas/sounds/44074/

Title: Vintage Camera Flash Powder and Shutter
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Werra/sounds/232130/

Title: Hitting in a Face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/florianreichelt/sounds/460509/

Title: Punch in the face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Huminaatio/sounds/390462/

Title: punch.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Ekokubza123/sounds/104183/

The image associated with this episode is a modified cover image from Dime Detective Magazine, Vol. 65, No. 2 (Feb 1951). Public domain. Artist unknown, maybe Norman Saunders.

Infern-O-scope - Episode 20

What in the Hell is going on here? Yes, that’s one way to view it. What will Falk & Castro see when they peer through the Infern-O-scope? Find out!

Infern-O-scope, episode 20 of This Gun in My Hand, was invented by Rob Northrup. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, information on how to subscribe, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. Do you see what I see? This Gun in My Hand!

This episode is also available on Youtube, and in audio formats other than mp3 on archive.org. 

Show Notes:
1. “Frankenstein” by Edgar Winter is "our song" because my wife and I were fans of Eight Track Flashback on VH1. It's also our secret knock.

2. Udo Kier in Flesh for Frankenstein (1973): “To know death, Otto, you must f*** life in the gallbladder.”

Music and Sound Effects Credits:
Music in this episode came from the public domain films The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), Hollow Triumph/The Scar (1948), and Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Title: Kids_playing_school.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/rui_aires/sounds/417551/

Title: bustle in the pub
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/organicmanpl/sounds/403285/

Title: House Front Door Inside 3.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/saturdaysoundguy/sounds/388027/#

Title: AR15 M4 Gun Hardware Magazine Movement Sounds
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/jackmurrayofficial/sounds/393732/

Title: teletype_medium_speed.wav
By stratcat322
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/stratcat322/sounds/169259/

Title: R09-66-Close Up Burning Fire.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/483310/

Title: ZombiesMoaningNoFX.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/voiceofgup/sounds/176240/ 

Title: G29-60-Group of Women Screaming.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438420/

Title: Man Screaming, A
By Moulaythami
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Moulaythami/sounds/548377/

Title: pigs inside the pigsty.wav
By DanGasior
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/DanGasior/sounds/262947/

Title: Squeaky Car Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/coltures/sounds/262325/#

Beats title: Machine - 174bpm
By Rafael Archangel
License: Public Domain
https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Rafael_Archangel/Kizes_Cut-up_Breaks/Machine_-_174bpm

Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/

The image associated with this episode is a modified panel from the public domain comic book Web of Evil, No. 9, December 1953, page 3. Pencils and inks maybe by Jack Cole.

Sidekickoff - Episode 19

What formative experiences turned Falk Zildjian into a hero? Is he ready for a zealous sidekick? What procedure can stop The Human Resource from being such a tool? Find out!

Sidekickoff, episode 19 of This Gun in My Hand, was sewn together by Rob Northrup. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, information on how to subscribe, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. What has a powerful kick and is always by my side? This Gun in My Hand!

This episode is also available on Youtube, or in audio formats other than mp3 at archive.org.

Show Notes:

1. Shoe Shine Man's name is Roberto Zapata. Roberto comes from old Germanic roots "hrod" meaning fame or glory, and "berht" meaning bright or shining. Zapata is Spanish for shoemaker. Any similarity between this character and the humble and lovable Shoe Shine Boy from Underdog cartoons would be absurd.

2. San Francisco and San Antonio are small towns in the state of Tabasco, Mexico.

3. Word on the street was correct that Falk's (me, his creator) named him after the actor Peter Falk and the comic strip writer Lee Falk. Originally cuz it sounded like a cool name, but on later reflection it has nice associations with those two.

Music and Sound Effects Credits:

The opening and middle transitional music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in this episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Title: Park ambience - mostly birds
License: public domain
https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/#

Title: Traffic mel 1.wav
By malupeeters
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/

The image associated with this episode is a modified panel from page 7 of the public domain comic book Weird Terror No. 6 (July 1953). Pencils and inks by Alberta Tewks.

Unboxing Murder - Episode 18

Did criminals retaliate against a former crimefighter’s family? Isn’t it convenient when clues for a podcast mystery happen to be in the form of audio recordings? Is military hierarchy just a way of replicating European aristocracy? Find out!

Unboxing Murder, episode 18 of This Gun in My Hand, was bellowed by Rob Northrup, with a special guest appearance by Flicka the Ladybug as Bonnie and the voice of the bellowing monster. Go now and visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities, and for credits, show notes and details on how to subscribe. Come oooon, what's in the boooox? This Gun in My Hand.

This episode is also available on Youtube, and in audio formats other than mp3 on archive.org.

Show Notes

1. “He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.” - Matthew 11:15, KJV
Cf. “Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean? A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Say no more!” - Eric Idle

2. Bold Venture was a radio drama that ran from 1951-1952 starring Bogart and Bacall. In one episode, Bogart used the phrase “This gun in my hand” or something close to it.

Music and Sound Effects Credits

The opening and middle transitional music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain.  Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Intro from Bold Venture, public domain radio show.
https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Bold_Venture_Singles/Bold_Venture_5x-xx-xx_ep08_A_Muncie_Murderess_in_Havana.mp3 

Title: Park ambience - mostly birds
License: public domain
https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/#

Title: reel to reel tape machine single reel turning.flac
License: public domain
https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/454152/

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail from Suspense Comics (Holyoke Publishing), No. 1, Dec 1943, page 21(?), pencils (and maybe inks?) by Don Rico.
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/index.php?dlid=19572