The Downside of Uplifting - Episode 147

Will Falk survive a journey through the gentle but confounding borderlands of the Tealight Zone with a bloodthirsty villain on his trail? Will they put him in gaol? ¿Qué onda, güero? Listen to find out!

The Downside of Uplifting, episode 147 of This Gun in My Hand, was lifted upside down by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my wholesome books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I say goodnight? With This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. The creator and narrator of The Waltons, Earl Hamner Jr., got his big break in Hollywood when one of his scripts was accepted for The Twilight Zone. I swear I didn’t find that out until this episode was half finished.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earl_Hamner_Jr.

2. The actor Will Geer was a bisexual communist who pled the fifth in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee in 1951 and somehow managed to come back as the wholesome Zebulon “Grandpa” Walton in the 1970s.
https://travsd.wordpress.com/2019/03/09/will-geer-queer-communist-and-as-american-as-apple-pie/

3. For more stories about Half-Pint stealing a Native American baby and her Pa stealing gold, read Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities by Rob Northrup. Available in ebook and paperback at
https://www.amazon.com/Little-Heist-Woods-Revisionist-Atrocities/dp/B0DPDGW52B/

4. Juan-Boy gets mugged in Wheeling, West Virginia in season one, episode 20, broadcast Feb 8, 1973. I mean, if there had been a tv show called The Wholesomes, that’s when it might have been.

5. Other more or less wholesome tv shows I love are Cranford, Return to Cranford, and Lark Rise to Candleford, which are not mentioned in this episode because they were covered adequately in Episode 108, “Zildjian’s Away to Shropshire.”
https://archive.org/details/tgimh-108-zildjians-away-to-shropshire

6. For the record, I didn’t copy the exact audio of harmonica and xylophone notes from any tv show. I recreated it with an actual harmonica (one chord, not very difficult) and one pre-recorded xylophone note. Took me twenty minutes of manipulation to sound more or less right.

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Guest starring Melinda as Abuelita (Esther Wholesome)!

Sound Effect Title: G17-03-Barnyard with Chickens.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438149/ 

Sound Effect Title: R24-06-Barnyard Ambience.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/479606/ 

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/

Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/273879/ 

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: Crickets.wav by ItsTheGoodstuff
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/656116/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a public domain etching print titled “Landscape with Six Single Trees and Three Small Farm-Houses” by Augustin Hirschvogel (1503-1553).
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Augustin_Hirschvogel,_Landscape_with_Six_Single_Trees_and_Three_Small_Farm-Houses,_NGA_37108.jpg  

Image Alt text: An etching of a farmhouse with trees to the sides, a cart or wagon in front of it, and a mountain or hill rising behind and to the side. The lines are dark brown and all the background is pale custard.

On the Gunny Side of the Street - Episode 146

What if this beautiful day is just a dream? What if it’s a story contrived by someone with ulterior motives? What does a guy gotta do to get some shut-eye around here? Listen to find out!

On the Gunny Side of the Street, episode 146 of This Gun in My Hand, was brought to light by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. With what do I pierce the veil between our illusory existence and the dark truth underlying it all? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. For Cherry Pachyderm’s arguments that chili does not exist, listen to episode 73, “Escalating Pitch.”
https://archive.org/details/tgimh-73-escalating-pitch

2. In an earlier episode, Cherry Pachyderm describes the emblem on his chest as a cherry tree. The elephant is hiding in the cherry tree so you can’t see it. People were confused by his emblem and started calling him “Cherry Tree,” so he changed it to a red elephant at some point. [This is a retcon. Outside of the story, I just forgot what his emblem was and thought it was always an elephant. I caught this mistake before recording the episode and wrote dialog for him to explain it, but it was too boring. Now it’s a little lagniappe for people who read the show notes!]

3. After Cherry mentions the germ theory of disease, I was going to make a dig at RFK jr’s preferred “miasma theory” of disease. But it’s supposed to be a happy story to take your mind off our grim reality.

Credits:
The opening and closing music in this episode came from two public domain films, The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950) and Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Perfect SongBirds (Seamlessly Loopable) by DreamSavvyr
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/s/781115/

Sound Effect Title: Park ambience - mostly birds
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/#

Sound Effect Title: children1.mp3 by yacou
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/s/190894/ 

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: FEETHmn-MCU_Footsteps, On Grass_Nicholas Judy_TDC by designerschoice
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/s/807862/

Sound Effect Title: hamp rope creaks by 6polnic
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/s/231438/ 

Music title: On the Sunny Side of the Street
Composed by Jimmy McHugh (some think it was Fats Waller)
Lyrics by Dorothy Fields
Performed by Ted Lewis and his Band, 1930
License: Public domain
https://archive.org/details/78_on-the-sunny-side-of-the-street_ted-lewis-and-his-band_wave

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail from this public domain photograph:
Title: Detail view of terrazzo floor medallion - National Zoological Park, Elephant House, 3001 Connecticut Avenue NW, Washington, District of Columbia, DC.
Photographer: Rosenthal, James W.
License: Public domain
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Detail_view_of_terrazzo_floor_medallion_-_National_Zoological_Park,_Elephant_House,_3001_Connecticut_Avenue_NW,_Washington,_District_of_Columbia,_DC_HABS_dc-777-C-26.tif

Image Alt text: A red pictogram of an elephant on a circular white background, surrounded by more red. The whole thing is shot through with light and dark gray flecks as if rusted or distressed.

This Wrench in My Gears - Episode 145

What could you do to frustrate or delay the jackbooted thugs in your community if you lived under an authoritarian regime? Where can you find more practical methods of sabotage? What’s the hair and salt for? Listen to find out!

This Wrench in My Gears, episode 145 of This Gun in My Hand, was maliciously wrecked by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use on slot machines to avoid developing a gambling problem? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:

1. This episode was inspired by Mother Bone's posts about the Simple Sabotage Field Manual, released internally in 1944 by the OSS (predecessor of the CIA) and declassified in 2018. The concepts could be used today by anyone resisting an occupying force or authoritarian regime. Direct quotes from the manual appear throughout this episode.

https://archive.org/details/simplesabotagefi26184gut/page/n5/mode/2up

2. I have pocket knives with pictures of Tarzan and Lash LaRue on the handles. Here’s a picture of a colorful Hopalong Cassidy pocket knife:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1068482143/vintage-hopalong-cassidy-pocket-knife?dd_referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com%2F

3. I thought I was being ridiculous imagining slot machines branded with 1930s comic strip characters, but apparently there was really a Blondie machine at some point, and just last year they released a video slot machine featuring The Phantom.

https://www.aristocratgaming.com/us/slots/games/the-phantom

4. Anachronism! Lash LaRue’s first film appearance was in 1944, and he only began to star in Westerns around 1947.

4. Anachronism! The comic strip Sad Sack was first published in Yank, The Army Weekly in June 1942. The generic expression “sad sack” may not have been common until after the comic strip became popular.

Credits:

Music in this episode came from three public domain films:

The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), The Scar (aka Hollow Triumph, 1948), and Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Heels on Pavement.wav

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/people/B.Harkins/sounds/683658/

Sound Effect Title: School door with metal latch inside.aif by timonunderwater 

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/532788/

Fair use brief audio clip of William Shatner taken from outtake of a recording session for the 1993 PC Game Star Trek: Judgment Rites.

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a photograph by Horst Grund from 1943 titled “Sizilien, Reifenpanne mit VW-Kübelwagen.” Italy, Sicily, 1943. A flat tire on a VW-Kübelwagen, soldier with jack going to replace the tire. By Bundesarchiv, Creative Commons License Attribution-ShareAlike Germany 3.0. (Note that the CC Attribution-Share Alike license applies only to this image, not to the text or audio from this episode.)

Image Alt text: Color photo of a soldier in short sleeves and khaki shorts cranking a jack along the driver’s side of a VW Kubelwagen with a flat tire. The hood over the engine compartment in the rear of the car is open. The car is beige, dirty and worn. The background appears to be a large body of water or sea with hills or mountains rising over it. The photo was taken in Sicily, Italy, in 1943. I’m not familiar enough with military uniforms to tell if this is a German or Italian soldier.

Humoresce Anecdotage - Episode 144

What if logicality warping? Source of warpage unknown. Gun hero prancing for answers. Will satisfying resolution evince? Only listeners find out!

Humoresce Anecdotage, episode 144 of This Gun in My Hand, was Tuesday banister by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What if cantina pickle destiny? That Gun Right There!

Show Notes:
1. Madison Standish is the star of Madison On the Air, an audio drama podcast about an internet influencer zapped into old time radio shows. The scripts are taken from actual shows, rewritten to insert Madison and performed by a modern cast. Highly recommended.
https://www.madisonontheair.com/

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music surrounding or during commercials came from “Journey Into Fear,” an episode of the radio show Hour of Mystery first broadcast on June 9, 1946.

Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 13.wav by Glitchedtones
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/223311/ 

Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 05.wav by Glitchedtones
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/223304/ 

Sound Effect Title: Glitch Element 06.wav by Glitchedtones
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/223303/ 

Sound Effect Title: BitCrushedGlitch1.wav by NickR2020
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/525050/ 

Sound Effect Title: wetfart glitch.flac by dudebroman2
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/592181/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: G32-08-Buzzing Sparks.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438492/ 

Sound Effect Title: modem_sounds.wav by joedeshon
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/80288/ 

Sound Effect Title: d_s478_riding.wav by relwin
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/686059/

Sound Effect Title: emmentaler steam train.mp3 by Zozzy
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/56645/ 

Sound Effect Title: Stomach Rumble
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/yrdn/sounds/473989/

Sound Effect Title: Industrial Buzz 2.wav by DeVern
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/346396/ 

Music Title: Unus Ex Discipulis Meis (You Are One of My Students)
Composed by Tomás Luis de Victoria
Performed by Anonymous Choir
License: Public Domain
https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Anonymous_Choir/Toms_Luis_de_Victorias_Unus_Ex_Discipulis_Meis/Unus_Ex_Discipulis_Meis/

Sound Effect Title: hamster in a jar.wav by Liancu
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/344728/ 

Sound Effect Title: Mouse Squeaks.wav by shyguy014
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/463789/ 

Sound Effect Title: Stampede by bevibeldesign
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/350425/ 

Sound Effect Title: Hand saw by SoundsLikeYukon
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/760611/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a collage including:
1. Background “VaporwaveWP3Print by Mike Grauer Jr_CC-BY. License: Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic. https://www.flickr.com/photos/mike_grauer/26310058937/
2. The comic book figure on the left of the picture is from the public domain comic All-True Detective Cases Number 1 (1952), art by Vince Alascia. The hand with gun is from the same issue, artist unknown.

Image Alt text: A wobbly grid extends across a floor changing from light purple to pink as it moves to the horizon, where it forms jagged, transparent mountains. A too-spherical yellow-orange globe sits on the center of the horizon, the violet sky above dotted with stars. On the left of the landscape, a man in a brown suit and hat seems to halt in the middle of running, his hands splayed to his sides. From the lower right corner of the image, a hand aims a revolver at the startled man.

Dead End on Holiday Road

Will Falk and Reverend Gusmacher survive the rows of gunbots waiting to receive them in Santopolis? Will they repel the robot invasion? When did rectal digital examination become common practice? Listen in case you might find out!

Dead End on Holiday Road, episode 143 of This Gun in My Hand, was up-armored and driven by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What will the Sandman bring you this year? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Reverend Gusmacher acts like a jerk in some ways. This is not meant as a generalization about the behavior of all clergy or members of his denomination. Any factual errors should be blamed on the characters, not the writer.
2. Why does Falk say “robit” sometimes and “robot” other times? Because he’s making an effort to say it the way everybody else does but forgetting sometimes.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: chugging diesel (bus) and rev.MP3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/CraftyIndividual/sounds/418436/

Sound Effect Title: WaHi Airbrakes blast.mp3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/chripei/sounds/393663/

Sound Effect Title: Gear Grinding  Sound Effect 14
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixw7jInQvKo

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/101962/

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675666/

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the back cover from the public domain Greyhound promotional comic book Driving Like a Pro (1958), artist unknown.
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/index.php?did=31501

Image Alt text: Comic book art of a passenger bus, an angled view near the front door. A smiling man in dark blue uniform and cap holds the door open as he moves to enter it. Behind him, a young boy in yellow and black short-sleeved shirt waves. Near the top, it’s labeled DEAD END ON HOLIDAY ROAD. A box near bottom right is labeled EPISODE 143 OF THIS GUN IN MY HAND. A word balloon aimed at the man says, “Sorry, Billy. I’ve got to weld steel plates on this bus so I can deliver the padre to testify against robot imposters in Santopolis. We can play catch later, if I survive.”

When the Revolution Scrums - Episode 142

The Revolution has come and it’s interrupting a team meeting. Who are these brave men and women fighting for freedom, wherever there’s trouble? Will Falk stand with them or against them? Would you believe I’m a cyborg? Listen to find out!

When the Revolution Scrums, episode 142 of This Gun in My Hand, was produced by the means of Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I signal the beginning or end of the two week intervals by which we measure progress in the revolution? With This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Thanks to W. Town Andrews for pointing out the mispronunciation of “Tagalog” in episode 140.
2. The Witchy Lion Closet was published in 1950, so Billy must have heard the story from Catch-2022.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: gavel-double.flac
By zerolagtime (Sen. John Kerry recorded from C-Span)
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/zerolagtime/sounds/70069/

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Kicking/Forcing/Breaking Wooden Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/160213/

Sound Effect Title: Running in boots on wood floors by ayse.j.e
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/785429/ 

Commercial Song Title: The Fairy Queen, Z. 629
Composed by Henry Purcell, 1692.
Performed by Carl Pini, John Tunnell, Anthony Pini and Harold Lester.
License: Public Domain
https://musopen.org/music/11140-the-fairy-queen-z629/

Sound Effect Title: Wind-up Crank by RICHERlandTV
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/265614/ -- License: Creative Commons 0

Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: G32-08-Buzzing Sparks.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438492/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail from The Uprising by Diego Rivera, 1931.

Image Alt text: Painting of a battle between men in beige uniforms and workers in newsboy caps and blue overalls waving red flags or banners. In the foreground, an angry woman in an orange dress carrying a baby pushes away a sabre thrust by one of the soldiers. A man next to her pulls away to avoid the thrust. There’s a man on the ground behind them clutching his stomach or chest.

Bringing a Gun to a Fistfight - Episode 141

Why is a bank robber giving up so easily in the middle of a gunfight? Why did he bring a crowd of people to cheer him on? Who chose the snacks to sell at this spectacle? Listen to find out!

Bringing a Gun to a Fistfight, episode 141 of This Gun in My Hand, was set-up and knocked down by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I keep lawns tidy? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:

1. The expression “win one for the Gipper” came from the film Knute Rockne, All-American, released in October 1940.

2. This episode was inspired by the 1949 film The Set-Up. Doses of wicked humor between scenes of drama and tension and cynicism.

Credits:

The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950). Music throughout the first commercial came from The Scar (aka Hollow Triumph, 1948), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), all three films in the public domain. Music from the second commercial came from the radio show Hour of Mystery, first broadcast June 9th, 1946. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: Manwe-metal_tools_on_concrete.wav by Manwe

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/238650/

Sound Effect Title: single classic blink.wav by ShangASDFGuy123 

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/795943/ 

Sound Effect Title: G30-69-Outdoor Crowd Walla.wav

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438429/

Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex 

License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

https://freesound.org/s/101962/

Sound Effect Title: S29-08 Navy ship classic danger whistle siren.wav by craigsmith

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/675782/ 

Sound Effect Title: Bare feet on wood floor.wav by treblemaker69 

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/565609/

The image accompanying this episode is a modified panel from the public domain comic book Web of Mystery, July 1954, issue 25. Artist unknown.

Image Alt text: Line art from a comic book. One silhouetted figure slugs another in the stomach. The background is all yellow, a row of spectators gathered around the fighters. The caption across the top reads “BRINGING A GUN TO A FISTFIGHT!” One of the spectators says, “Don’t listen to that dame, Joe. I been wit ya from the starta your career. Don’t I make sure they take all the butterscotch disks outta the candy dish in ya dressing room?”