Has This Gun in My Hand Ever Happened to You? - Episode 152

Can Falk crack the murder case or will he need help from Inspector Tropesmith, Speed Detective, Emerald Ash Borer or The Ad Hawk? You want a fast resolution or a satisfying one? Listen to find out!

Has This Gun in My Hand Ever Happened To You?, episode 152 of This Gun in My Hand, was stunned, hawked, sped up and salvaged by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Why have I gathered you all here today? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:

1. Charters and Caldicott were two minor characters in Hitchcock’s 1938 film The Lady Vanishes. Played by the actors Basil Radford and Naunton Wayne, the pair were popular enough to get three films of their own, though not with Hitchcock. After creative differences with the film studio in 1946, the actors appeared as similar characters with different names in seven other films and five BBC radio productions. A 1985 BBC television series rebooted Charters and Caldicott with new actors.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charters_and_Caldicott

2.  “Sir, a woman has been murdered in your house, therefore it follows there must be a murderer.” That line is from a teaser for an actual British police procedural show. They use it in a promo on almost every dvd for Acorn TV and the dullness of it kills me every time.

Credits:

Music in this episode came from these public domain films:

The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music Title: Flight of the Carpenter Bee

By Steve Arntson

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

https://archive.org/details/Bildungsroman-7512

Sound Effect Title: Mount Moganshan Insect Chorus by RTB45 

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

https://freesound.org/people/RTB45/sounds/325321/

Insect chorus recorded one summer evening, Mount Moganshan, Zhejiang Provence, People's Republic of China

Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

Sound Effect Title: Beep_Sequence_10.wav by AlienXXX 

License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

https://freesound.org/s/267561/ 

Music Title: Spaceship Engine - noise + heavy beep by Knoplund

License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

https://freesound.org/people/Knoplund/sounds/371283/

Music Title: Paix

Composed and Performed by Alpha Hydrae

License: Public Domain

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Alpha_Hydrae/Peace_Love_Respect_Overdrive/Alpha_Hydrae_-_Alpha_Hydrae_-_Peace_Love_Respect_Overdrive_-_03_Paix/

Music Title: Hurhis

Composed and Performed by Yellow Omm

License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

https://freemusicarchive.org/music/yellow-omm/single/hurhis/

Sound Effect Title: Electric zap.wav by michael_grinnell 

License: Public domain

https://freesound.org/s/512471/ 

Sound Effect Title: ELECTRIC_ZAP_001.wav by JoelAudio 

License: Public domain

https://freesound.org/s/136542/ 

Sound Effect Title: Milagra.mp3 by foosiemac 

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

https://freesound.org/s/76797/ 

Sound Effect Title: R30-34-Red Tailed Hawk.wav by craigsmith 

License: Public domain

https://freesound.org/s/479610/ 

Song Title: The Fairy Queen, Z. 629

Composed by Henry Purcell, 1692.

Performed by Carl Pini, John Tunnell, Anthony Pini and Harold Lester.

License: Public Domain

https://musopen.org/music/11140-the-fairy-queen-z629/

Music Title: Peer Gynt Suite no. 1, Op. 46 - I. Morning Mood

Composed by Edvard Grieg

Performed by Czech National Symphony Orchestra

License: Public Domain

https://musopen.org/music/777-peer-gynt-suite-no-1-op-46/

Sound Effect Title: S10-19 Falling wooden beam; big interior crash; house collapses; long.wav by craigsmith

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/675967/ 

The image accompanying this episode is from Popular Detective Magazine, Volume 15, Number 3 (October 1938). Public domain, artist unknown.

Image Alt text: Black and white drawing of a hand firing a revolver. Lines and smoke show the gun is discharging. Behind the gun is the shadow of the apparent shooting victim with both hands up and possibly wearing a policeman’s hat. Above this drawing are the words HAS THIS GUN IN MY HAND EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

The Barn Job - Episode 151

Who do you go to when you wanna fence livestock? How do we know the monster is allergic to the Moon? What’s a Lan Golly Yay Leap? Listen to find out!

The Barn Job, episode 151 of This Gun in My Hand, was stolen and sheared by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use to keep farm animals in line? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. The internet says alpaca wool is more valuable than llama wool, or at least more marketable. In the US, llamas are used more like guard dogs for herds of other animals, not for harvesting or selling their wool.

2. The Herb I know in real life who likes Italian sausages from concession stands at the fair would not steal art or livestock, or livestock with art on it. No actual Herbs or Kreutzers or llamas were harmed in the recording of this thing.

3. The song “Who Put the Bomp” was released by Barry Mann in 1961.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kpVqbCpXck

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films and old time radio shows:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950 film)
Too Late for Tears (1949 film, aka Killer Bait)
Hour of Mystery radio episode “Journey Into Fear,” broadcast 9 June 1946
Mystery House radio episode “Dagger in the Dark,” broadcast 5 July 1946
Most of the music and sound effects used in this episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: HARP GLISSANDO DOWN.WAV
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/olver/sounds/505064/

Sound Effect Title: Playing with a map by pfranzen
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/405452/ 

Sound Effect Title: chugging diesel (bus) and rev.MP3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/CraftyIndividual/sounds/418436/

Sound Effect Title: WaHi Airbrakes blast.mp3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/chripei/sounds/393663/

Sound Effect Title: Bus Closing Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/am7/sounds/520753/

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/ 

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/

Sound Effect Title: Shop door bell.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/775noise/sounds/494565/

Sound Effect Title: AMB follón llamas y alpacas by Diegolar
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/406909/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of The Guy From Coney Island by Jack Handley (1954), artist unknown.

Image Alt text: Midway huckster at a carnival with tents and rides in the background, gestures up and to the viewer’s left. In his other hand, he holds a microphone. A few men in suits and fedoras stand in front of him gawking and smoking, one of them in a sailor suit. Across the bottom is the title, THE BARN JOB.

How to set up a podcast with no budget

I call This Gun in My Hand a podcast with no budget, a cast of one and a crew of one, but there are negligible costs. At some point I bought a microphone for $15. It had one of those microphone jack plugs which meant I couldn't use it anymore after I got a new laptop that had no microphone port. After that, I started recording sound through my phone and uploading it to my laptop for mixing. 

Apart from that, I'm giving this advice with the assumption that you have enough free time to write, record and edit your show. If you're doing an unscripted podcast, maybe writing and editing aren't necessary. I assume you have a laptop, microphone and/or phone that can record or edit sound files, and that you have electricity and internet connection. 

Here are some steps to follow if you want to do it yourself without spending any other money.

1. Create a website that has an RSS feed.

To be considered a podcast or picked up by most podcast apps or websites, you'll need a website and a way to turn posts on your website into an RSS feed. I think I started off setting up a free site on blogspot dot com. That was gobbled up by blogger dot com, but you can still do most of the same things there as far as I know.

Register on the site. Search within the site or search the web for how to set up an RSS feed. That's a sort of web address that can be used by apps or other websites to keep track of your latest posts or blogs. When you're running it as a podcast, those apps will take the first mp3 or audio link on each blog post and treat it as your podcast episode. Be careful if you want to link to somebody else's podcast episode or any other audio file in a blog post, because that might mistakenly get treated as a new episode on your podcast.

2. Write a script.

Or don't. Whatever. I'm doing an audio drama so I write a script with a bunch of notes about how lines should be delivered, what music or sound effects to use at different points. You could improvise an audio drama if you're amazing and/or fearless. Anyway, I write bits and pieces which I compile into an episode. Then I go over it and over it until I get sick of it and decide it's as ready as it'll ever be.

3. Record your episode.

If recordings made on your phone or laptop sound clear enough, go for it. I imagine audio aficionados cringe when they hear my recordings. They can sense what microphone is being used, the ambient temperature and humidity in the room as you were recording, and which hillside the grapes were grown  on for the merlot you sipped as you were recording. They'll never be satisfied. Get two of them talking about which brand of turntable or record needle is superior and you can sneak away and get back to recording.

I downloaded a phone app called "Voice Recorder." I'm trying to act out different voices so listeners can tell the characters apart. If I'm doing a Southern accent or a gravelly voice or a high-pitched teenage girl, it would be difficult to go back and forth from one accent or type of delivery to another, recording all the lines in a row. So I record all the lines from one character, then start a separate audio file for another character. After I finish recording, I transfer them from my phone to my laptop to edit them.

4. Edit your episode.

Or don't. I can't twist your arm. You're gonna do what you want. 

I use Audacity. It's free to download. It's been around for years so there's lots of discussion on the web or Youtube videos advising how to use it, ranging from basic instruction for beginners to specific things like how to make a robotic voice. I know maybe 10% of all the functions and tools available in it. 

5. Host audio files for your episodes somewhere.
This part might be confusing because you already created your website with RSS feed. The episodes get hosted on that website, right? No. Or maybe they could be. I should probably read up on that. What I do is post audio files of my episodes on archive.org. Then I copy the url of the audio file on archive.org, and I paste that into my blog post. If you want to do it that way, you'll need to create an account there.

Archive.org will host your stuff if you let it be public domain or if you use a Creative Commons license. That means you're allowing listeners or users of your stuff to copy it and share it under certain conditions. You might allow people to share it as long as they say you created it (CC BY or "Attribution" license). Or you might allow people to share it as long as they don't make money off it (CC BY-NC or "Attribution-NonCommercial" license). Or other options. If you want to keep full copyright, you might need to find a different website to host the audio files.

6. Promote it.

I post links to new episodes on social media and different groups that seem like they'd be interested. Places where they wouldn't consider it to be spam, or they allow this kind of spam. I am not great at this. If you find a good way to get attention without dumping money into it, tell me what I'm doing wrong.

7. BONUS! Put pictures on it.

Audio is great. Audio is enough. But people love their dang video and some of them still think a picture is worth a thousand words. You could post your own art or photos on your blog, including on each episode post. I don't trust my own art so I find public domain or CC licensed photos and art from websites like digitalcomicmuseum.com or archive.org or Wikimedia Commons, or searching Google and selecting Tools > Usage Rights. I use a free image editing tool, paint.net, and make collages or just take parts of images. I use those in my blog posts and upload them to archive.org with each episode.

Then because Youtube might still be the second most popular search engine, I create short videos consisting of only that one still image and all the audio. I'm not saying you should "pivot to video." I'm saying supplement your audio by making a version for Youtube addicts who never leave that site.

8. Wallow in cash as you bask in all the glory and attention you will receive.

Ha! Just kidding. Get involved with some groups or online communities and at least you can exchange episodes, get feedback, maybe exchange promo commercials. Have fun! Things that don't make money are worth doing.

The Buck Fifty Special - Episode 150

What extravaganza does Falk have planned for his 150th episode? Or is the big event out of his control? Why does it have to be about him all the time? Listen to find out!

The Buck Fifty Special, episode 150 of This Gun in My Hand, was specialized by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I gather all my friends for a big event? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. In Public Relations Writing class at Eastern Michigan U, my prof used to repeatedly joke that “there’s a lot of love in this room.”
2. Falk explored the realm of stereo in Episode 83, “The Multitracks of Madness.”
https://archive.org/details/tgimh-83-multitracks-of-madness

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Creaking Door by eqavox
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/709418/ 

Sound Effect Title: Wood_Creak_02.wav by dheming
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/177779/ 

Sound Effect Title: Foley - Feet shuffling and sweeping on carpet by RavenWolfProds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/503659/ 

Sound Effect Title: Crowd walla by knufds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/504906/ 

Sound Effect Title: Weed Eater 16bit 48kHz ZOOM R24.wav by DK77
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/322182/ 

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: PA microphone feedback (2).wav by FreqMan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/42930/ 

Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ 

Sound Effect Title: Light Applause by ojosdedurazno
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/391326/ 

Sound Effect Title: G28-27-Crowd Fast Walla Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438387/

Sound Effect Title: small group applauding (48/24) by neilraouf
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/484513/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/101962/

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675666/

Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/717133/

Sound Effect Title: gun lee enfield 303 rifle fire shot loud badass crispy.wav by kyles
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/450852/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Along the Broadway Beat by Louis Sobol (1951), art by Ray Johnson.

Love at First Sound - Episode 149

How do you convey love at first sight on an audio-only medium? What does that sound like? What in tarnation has got into you? Listen to find out!

Love at First Sound, episode 149 of This Gun in My Hand, was [finger pop from mouth][side of mouth razz][quick burst of siren whistle][GUN_FIRE] by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. This episode is dedicated to Melinda [TING], and to our good friends Patrick and Anita celebrating their honeymoon on Ganymede. [Ting, Ting!] What’s the best way to coax the delicate flower of love to blossom? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. I keep trying to make a joke that shows on shortwave radio are second-rate compared with FM radio. Melinda, being a longtime expert, reminded me that people in our time like Alex Jones, ReviewBrah and various cult leaders have to pay extra to have their shows broadcast on shortwave. So maybe it should be considered a status symbol instead of a mark of weakness.

2. Listeners have already heard The Cherry Pachyderm’s real name, Latthew Morressier, during his first appearance in episode 24, “Consulting Defectives.” He forgot but I didn’t.
https://archive.org/details/tgimh-24-consulting-defectives

3. It came out sounding like I’m dragging hillbillies for hoping their kids take the same job their father and grandfather had, but it’s not what I intended. I think this expectation is similar for people all over the US. Even though my grandfather (the master plumber) and my dad (the steamfitter) would be glad I got an office job instead of following in their footsteps, there’s a part of me that feels like I let them down by taking a different path.

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait) and The Big Combo (1955). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: Run-Out Groove of a 78 RPM Record – Archival Noise Texture by Auroch_Media
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/440733/ 

Sound Effect Title: Xylo N&D 72 C4.aif by beskhu
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/273879/ 

Sound Effect Title: Glockenspiel_46_f4_04 by cabled_mess
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/348924/ 

Sound Effect Title: Piano Note.wav by kelsey_w
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/467047/ 

Sound Effect Title: medium wine glass.wav by Tairblenn
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/549900/

Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

Sound Effect Title: Traffic mel 1.wav by malupeeters
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/malupeeters/sounds/191350/

Sound Effect Title: Clothing_ShirtsandPants_Rustling.wav by duckduckpony
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/204016/ 

Sound Effect Title: Heels on Pavement.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/B.Harkins/sounds/683658/

Sound Effect Title: banjo song.mp3 by Prime45
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/522715/ 

Sound Effect Title: Toy Gun 7
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/giddster/sounds/434720/

Sound Effect Title: laser gun
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Superglue28/sounds/499696/

Sound Effect Title: Horse Whinny 1.wav by GoodListener
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/322445/

Music Title: Händel’s Messiah
Composed by Georg Friedrich Händel
Performed by Orchestra Gli Armonici
License: Public Domain
https://musopen.org/music/5876-messiah-hwv-56/

Music Title: Fugato in e minor, BWV 962
Composed by Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750)
Performed by Gunnar Johansen
License: Public Domain
https://musopen.org/music/45623-fugato-in-e-minor-bwv-962/

Sound Effect Title: Tarzan Yell by Buster Crabbe from Tarzan the Fearless (1933)
License: Public Domain

Sound Effect Title: Boing.wav by juskiddink
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/140867/ 

Music Title: Munniharppua.ogg
By ElectricToothpaste
License: Creative Commons Attribution ShareAlike 4.0
via Wikimedia Commons
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Munniharppua.ogg

Sound Effect Title: Siren Whistle 02.wav by FreqMan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/88425/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Confessions of Love, July 1952, Number 11, art possibly by Manny Stallman, AC Hollingsworth and/or Norm Nodel. Public Domain.

Image Alt text: In colorful comic book line art, a young man and woman embrace and kiss passionately. Both have black hair. He wears a long sleeved red shirt. She wears a blue blouse. They’re surrounded by a green leaves and magnolia flowers and branches with blue jays on them. Above them in script letters are the words “Love At First Sound.”

The Yeast of These My Brethren - Episode 148

How will Falk take down a bank robber when aromatic, freshly minted heroes keep getting in the way? What’s their origin story? You own some carnival rides? Listen to find out!

The Yeast of These My Brethren, episode 148 of This Gun in My Hand, was punched into shape by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and would it kill ya to buy my books? Such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Why do they always need irradiated chemicals when the best origin is This Gun in My Hand?!

Show Notes:
1. From the Bible, King James Version, Matthew 25:40: “And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

2. Obvious mistake I didn’t notice until after recording. Beer Man says he gained his powers last week. Then he mentions using his powers for three months. Continuity is hard! A no-prize will be awarded to anyone who rationalizes those statements.

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Ironized Yeast Tonic radio commercial, vintage unknown, assumed to be public domain.
https://www.oldradioworld.com/media/Vintage%20Commercials%20Ironized%20Yeast.mp3

Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/717133/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: Kimmokkeita / Ricochets by YleArkisto
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/YleArkisto/sounds/401921/

Sound Effect Title: Metal Frame.mp3 by TheBoulder3400
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/636096/ 

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: Hose Sounds.mp3 by JazzyBay
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/JazzyBay/sounds/435052/

Sound Effect Title: Spraying water from a garden hose by meisterjaan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/323485/ 

Sound Effect Title: Leather Car Seat 2 by Filmscore
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/830202/

Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a print ad for ironized yeast, assumed to be public domain, date and artist unknown.

Image Alt text: Print magazine ad for Ironized Yeast featuring a photo of a woman in a striped bathing suit next to a comic strip. A word balloon above the woman in the photo has her saying ‘If men “hate the sight of you”--read this–.’ In the first panel of the comic, two young men run past an emaciated woman in a black one-piece bathing suit. One of the men says, “Let’s beat it__here comes that skinny dame.” The second ad shows the skinny dame seated wearing a short sleeve top with possibly ragged sleeve edges. As she reads a newspaper with a prominent ad headlined “GAIN 10 LBS,” she says, “Men hate the sight of me, I’m so skinny. I’m going to try Ironized Yeast.” The third panel has a black arrow labeled “A FEW WEEKS LATER” pointing towards the action. A smiling woman filling out a bikini, no longer a skinny dame, poses with one hand on hip and the other on the back of her hair. A young man in dark shorts holds her bicep in one hand, saying, “You’re gorgeous since you’ve gained weight!” Two other men in the background run towards them. Across the bottom, large letters read, “THOUSANDS OF SKINNY GIRLS GAIN 10 TO 20 LBS.–QUICK!”

Episode Archive

1. Skee-Ball Racket

2. The Whole Story

3. Not So Heroic

4. Good Guys vs. Good Gals

5. The Quiz Scam

6. Want To Be Heroes

7. The Only Thing That Stops a Few Bad Apples

8. Zildjian's Pal, Lemmy Jolson

9. Invasion of the Emerald Ash Borer

10. You're Tellin Me

11. Curse of the Bubbe

12. Made in The Shade

13. OnlyPhantasm

14. Naked Save

15. Gun Buyback

16. How Many

17. The Long, Dark Night Vision Scope of the Soul

18. Unboxing Murder

19. Sidekickoff

20. Infern-O-Scope

21. The Vaudevillain

22. Caught Offguard

23. Huckster Racket

24. Consulting Defectives

25. Nick Carper and the Evaporating Arsonist

26. This Gun in My Coffin

27. Hardly Boiled

28. Volumes of Daddy Issues

29. Escape From Greektown

30. Army of Emmas

31. Take A Powder

32. The Highwayman

33. The Land Lord

34. 2 Fast 2 Boggan

35. Crypt O' Knight

36. D is for Dirigible

37. Strikeforce Shakespeare

38. Why We Fight

39. Time-Bomb in a Clock Shop

40. Vivant You

41. Dial M for Merlot

42. Pillow Falk

43. The Roan Ranger

44. Here Comes Satanic Claws

45. Can You Say Falk

46. Who Do You Think You Are

47. Heist Row Maestro

48. All Fashion Police Are Fabulous

49. Newsy Duel

50. The Shady Aviator

51. Flinch Zipjam in the Negative Space

52. Goodbye, Honey

53. Struggle Session

54. Look Out, Moon Featuring Captain Rogers

55. This Frog in My Hand

56. Please Kill Responsibly

57. Cultivating Leverage

58. Dew Drop Innuendo

59. Publisher War Zone

60. Hush, Sweet Zildjian

61. The Boy Who Cried What's That Thing in Ya Hand

62. Can We Talk?

63. Eye Captain and The Wannabes of Tomorrow

64. They Don't Call Me Spy Detainer

65. I Think You Better Come See This

66. Fighter Flight

67. Warner Blunders

68. The Three Stugots

69. Heck's Pantry for the Holidays

70. Domestic Harmony

71. The Ink-Stained Corpse

72. Undeniable Narrator

73. Escalating Pitch

74. Fly Away Home

75. A Gross of Goons

76. Trail of Tentacles

77. In The Clutches of The Cuttlefish

78. Speed Detective

79. Shadow Taxi

80. Second String

81. Any Other Name

82. Out of Ideas

83. Multitracks of Madness

84. Falk Meets Fantomas

85. Sultry, Salty and Desperate

86. You Must Remember That

87. Trailmaster

88. Plan of Attack

89. Parallel

90. Nursery Crimes

91. Dungeon of Suspense

92. Falk's Brain

93. A Match Made in Heck's Pantry

94. Seduction of the Ignorant

95. Ad Space

96. Merch and Destroy

97. How Did This Gun in My Hand Get Made

98. Do Androids Dream of His Girl Friday?

99. Rats in a Cage Match

100. Parabellum City Passes a C-Note

101. World of Whispers

102. Fievel Getcha Ten

103. Violent Vacation with Peruvian Guns

104. Watching the Defectives

105. Spoonful of Lugers

106. Murder at the Job Fair for Dicks

107. No Large Bills

108. Zildjian's Away to Shropshire

109. They Can't All Be Bangers

110. This Gun is My Hand

111. Cut Down in His Prime

112. It Was a Dark and Stormy Reading of the Will

113. Don't Kid a Kidder

114. The PunGent Cleans Up

115. The Assassination of Yip Harburg by the Coward Fan Mail

116. Debut Taunts

117. The Chilling Horror That Grinds and Wiggles

118. Scrapping at the Escarpment

119. Hapless Hack of Gazpacho Gulch

120. Journey Into Fiasco

121. Uniquely Heroic Americans

122. Certainly No Angels

123. Go to Health

124. I Have Her MAC-10

125. This Hun in My Gland

126. A Song of Brass and Ash

127. Clash of the Story Boys

128. Lips That Yearn

129. No Accounting for Taste

130. Shoot the Moon

131. Johnny Got His Gun in My Hand

132. A Very Special Thirty-Eight

133. On Her Majesty's Secret Scamper

134. This Banjo on My Knee

135. Falk Meets Mat Ban

136. The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz

137. Gold Dentures

138. Black Cats and Bad Habits

139. Bottle Episode

140. Passage to the Orient

141. Bringing a Gun to a Fistfight

142. When the Revolution Scrums

143. Dead End on Holiday Road

144. Humoresce Anecdotage

145. This Wrench in My Gears

146. On the Gunny Side of the Street

147. The Downside of Uplifting

148. The Yeast of These My Brethren

149. Love at First Sound

Mini-Series

Most episodes are meant to stand on their own, but a few are directly connected to each other as mini-series.

Hardly Boiled (episodes 27-31)

The Cuttlefish (episodes 76-77)

Dungeon of Suspense (episodes 91-92)

Unofficial Pilot Episode

The Liability of Keiko (Sept. 7, 2020) - Before I wrote and posted the first episode of This Gun in My Hand on October 14, 2020, I made this one-shot audio drama, a brief exchange between El Hornet Verde and his faithful valet Kato, I mean Keiko. 

You might also enjoy The First Kato, a non-fiction biographical piece about Raymond Tokutaro Muramoto, the voice actor who originated the part of Kato on The Green Hornet radio show.