The Barn Job - Episode 151

Who do you go to when you wanna fence livestock? How do we know the monster is allergic to the Moon? What’s a Lan Golly Yay Leap? Listen to find out!

The Barn Job, episode 151 of This Gun in My Hand, was stolen and sheared by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use to keep farm animals in line? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. The internet says alpaca wool is more valuable than llama wool, or at least more marketable. In the US, llamas are used more like guard dogs for herds of other animals, not for harvesting or selling their wool.

2. The Herb I know in real life who likes Italian sausages from concession stands at the fair would not steal art or livestock, or livestock with art on it. No actual Herbs or Kreutzers or llamas were harmed in the recording of this thing.

3. The song “Who Put the Bomp” was released by Barry Mann in 1961.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kpVqbCpXck

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films and old time radio shows:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950 film)
Too Late for Tears (1949 film, aka Killer Bait)
Hour of Mystery radio episode “Journey Into Fear,” broadcast 9 June 1946
Mystery House radio episode “Dagger in the Dark,” broadcast 5 July 1946
Most of the music and sound effects used in this episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: HARP GLISSANDO DOWN.WAV
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/olver/sounds/505064/

Sound Effect Title: Playing with a map by pfranzen
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/405452/ 

Sound Effect Title: chugging diesel (bus) and rev.MP3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/CraftyIndividual/sounds/418436/

Sound Effect Title: WaHi Airbrakes blast.mp3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/chripei/sounds/393663/

Sound Effect Title: Bus Closing Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/am7/sounds/520753/

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/ 

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/

Sound Effect Title: Shop door bell.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/775noise/sounds/494565/

Sound Effect Title: AMB follón llamas y alpacas by Diegolar
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/406909/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of The Guy From Coney Island by Jack Handley (1954), artist unknown.

Image Alt text: Midway huckster at a carnival with tents and rides in the background, gestures up and to the viewer’s left. In his other hand, he holds a microphone. A few men in suits and fedoras stand in front of him gawking and smoking, one of them in a sailor suit. Across the bottom is the title, THE BARN JOB.

How to set up a podcast with no budget

I call This Gun in My Hand a podcast with no budget, a cast of one and a crew of one, but there are negligible costs. At some point I bought a microphone for $15. It had one of those microphone jack plugs which meant I couldn't use it anymore after I got a new laptop that had no microphone port. After that, I started recording sound through my phone and uploading it to my laptop for mixing. 

Apart from that, I'm giving this advice with the assumption that you have enough free time to write, record and edit your show. If you're doing an unscripted podcast, maybe writing and editing aren't necessary. I assume you have a laptop, microphone and/or phone that can record or edit sound files, and that you have electricity and internet connection. 

Here are some steps to follow if you want to do it yourself without spending any other money.

1. Create a website that has an RSS feed.

To be considered a podcast or picked up by most podcast apps or websites, you'll need a website and a way to turn posts on your website into an RSS feed. I think I started off setting up a free site on blogspot dot com. That was gobbled up by blogger dot com, but you can still do most of the same things there as far as I know.

Register on the site. Search within the site or search the web for how to set up an RSS feed. That's a sort of web address that can be used by apps or other websites to keep track of your latest posts or blogs. When you're running it as a podcast, those apps will take the first mp3 or audio link on each blog post and treat it as your podcast episode. Be careful if you want to link to somebody else's podcast episode or any other audio file in a blog post, because that might mistakenly get treated as a new episode on your podcast.

2. Write a script.

Or don't. Whatever. I'm doing an audio drama so I write a script with a bunch of notes about how lines should be delivered, what music or sound effects to use at different points. You could improvise an audio drama if you're amazing and/or fearless. Anyway, I write bits and pieces which I compile into an episode. Then I go over it and over it until I get sick of it and decide it's as ready as it'll ever be.

3. Record your episode.

If recordings made on your phone or laptop sound clear enough, go for it. I imagine audio aficionados cringe when they hear my recordings. They can sense what microphone is being used, the ambient temperature and humidity in the room as you were recording, and which hillside the grapes were grown  on for the merlot you sipped as you were recording. They'll never be satisfied. Get two of them talking about which brand of turntable or record needle is superior and you can sneak away and get back to recording.

I downloaded a phone app called "Voice Recorder." I'm trying to act out different voices so listeners can tell the characters apart. If I'm doing a Southern accent or a gravelly voice or a high-pitched teenage girl, it would be difficult to go back and forth from one accent or type of delivery to another, recording all the lines in a row. So I record all the lines from one character, then start a separate audio file for another character. After I finish recording, I transfer them from my phone to my laptop to edit them.

4. Edit your episode.

Or don't. I can't twist your arm. You're gonna do what you want. 

I use Audacity. It's free to download. It's been around for years so there's lots of discussion on the web or Youtube videos advising how to use it, ranging from basic instruction for beginners to specific things like how to make a robotic voice. I know maybe 10% of all the functions and tools available in it. 

5. Host audio files for your episodes somewhere.
This part might be confusing because you already created your website with RSS feed. The episodes get hosted on that website, right? No. Or maybe they could be. I should probably read up on that. What I do is post audio files of my episodes on archive.org. Then I copy the url of the audio file on archive.org, and I paste that into my blog post. If you want to do it that way, you'll need to create an account there.

Archive.org will host your stuff if you let it be public domain or if you use a Creative Commons license. That means you're allowing listeners or users of your stuff to copy it and share it under certain conditions. You might allow people to share it as long as they say you created it (CC BY or "Attribution" license). Or you might allow people to share it as long as they don't make money off it (CC BY-NC or "Attribution-NonCommercial" license). Or other options. If you want to keep full copyright, you might need to find a different website to host the audio files.

6. Promote it.

I post links to new episodes on social media and different groups that seem like they'd be interested. Places where they wouldn't consider it to be spam, or they allow this kind of spam. I am not great at this. If you find a good way to get attention without dumping money into it, tell me what I'm doing wrong.

7. BONUS! Put pictures on it.

Audio is great. Audio is enough. But people love their dang video and some of them still think a picture is worth a thousand words. You could post your own art or photos on your blog, including on each episode post. I don't trust my own art so I find public domain or CC licensed photos and art from websites like digitalcomicmuseum.com or archive.org or Wikimedia Commons, or searching Google and selecting Tools > Usage Rights. I use a free image editing tool, paint.net, and make collages or just take parts of images. I use those in my blog posts and upload them to archive.org with each episode.

Then because Youtube might still be the second most popular search engine, I create short videos consisting of only that one still image and all the audio. I'm not saying you should "pivot to video." I'm saying supplement your audio by making a version for Youtube addicts who never leave that site.

8. Wallow in cash as you bask in all the glory and attention you will receive.

Ha! Just kidding. Get involved with some groups or online communities and at least you can exchange episodes, get feedback, maybe exchange promo commercials. Have fun! Things that don't make money are worth doing.

The Buck Fifty Special - Episode 150

What extravaganza does Falk have planned for his 150th episode? Or is the big event out of his control? Why does it have to be about him all the time? Listen to find out!

The Buck Fifty Special, episode 150 of This Gun in My Hand, was specialized by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I gather all my friends for a big event? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. In Public Relations Writing class at Eastern Michigan U, my prof used to repeatedly joke that “there’s a lot of love in this room.”
2. Falk explored the realm of stereo in Episode 83, “The Multitracks of Madness.”
https://archive.org/details/tgimh-83-multitracks-of-madness

Credits:
Music in this episode came from these public domain films:
The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and Too Late for Tears (1949, aka Killer Bait). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Creaking Door by eqavox
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/709418/ 

Sound Effect Title: Wood_Creak_02.wav by dheming
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/177779/ 

Sound Effect Title: Foley - Feet shuffling and sweeping on carpet by RavenWolfProds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/503659/ 

Sound Effect Title: Crowd walla by knufds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/504906/ 

Sound Effect Title: Weed Eater 16bit 48kHz ZOOM R24.wav by DK77
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/322182/ 

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: PA microphone feedback (2).wav by FreqMan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/42930/ 

Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ 

Sound Effect Title: Light Applause by ojosdedurazno
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/391326/ 

Sound Effect Title: G28-27-Crowd Fast Walla Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438387/

Sound Effect Title: small group applauding (48/24) by neilraouf
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/484513/ 

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Machine gun.wav by CGEffex
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/101962/

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675666/

Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/717133/

Sound Effect Title: gun lee enfield 303 rifle fire shot loud badass crispy.wav by kyles
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/450852/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Along the Broadway Beat by Louis Sobol (1951), art by Ray Johnson.