Episode 4: Good Guys vs. Good Gals
1. “All they ever have [in Little Free Libraries] is Harlan Coben and Microwave Chinese Cookbooks.” Where’s the lie?
2. Here’s a video of me singing Cows on Parade, circa 2009.
Episode 5: The Quiz Scam
1. Shortly before writing this episode, I read William Hogeland’s The Whiskey Rebellion: George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, and the Frontier Rebels Who Challenged America's Newfound Sovereignty. Good stuff. Good luck trying to find the good guys vs the bad guys in that fight. The rebels were fighting against regressive tax policy, yay, but literally terrorizing anyone who disagreed with them. And Washington was pushing policies that he would personally benefit from.
2. Falk’s admirer Petra Wojciehowicz is named after one of the detectives on Barney Miller.
3. There’s no category of “macrobionic” physics, but it sounds cool.
Episode 6: Want To Be Heroes
1. Tim Carchetti’s last name is taken from the Mayor from The Wire, although I probably pronounced it wrong.
2. I was not kidding about the Godzilla Amigurumi Crochet Pattern. Buy it for $1.99. Cheap!
https://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/godzilla-amigurumi
Episode 7: The Only Thing That Stops A Few Bad Apples
1. I have reservations about voicing non-white characters. On the one hand, I don’t want to perform stereotyped accents or audio blackface. Unfortunately I do all the voices because I can’t afford to hire anyone else, so I can’t get a representative cast in terms of race, ethnicity, gender, or other statuses that I don’t belong to. I could write all the characters as white and never mention characters with statuses I don’t belong to. That would be misrepresenting the world we live in, and imagining a totally segregated world. That seems worse than the alternative of trying to respectfully portray people of color or other statuses I don’t belong to.
I also felt weird about this story because it seems like Falk comes into the situation and saves this one citizen from getting mistreated by cops. Yay, he saved the day, right? Except it doesn’t end with this one citizen. It’s an ongoing problem throughout the police and across the country. How could Falk address that? He can’t find one villain who’s creating racism across the world and punch the problem of racism in the face.
For that matter, what’s Falk’s race? Do we assume he’s white by default, which is another problem in written or audio fiction? In one draft, I ended the first part of the story by having the driver Mr. Freeman say, “As-salamu alaykum,” and Falk reply, “ wa ʿalaykumu s-salām.” I wanted a shorthand to hint that Freeman was non-white without saying it. But that together with Falk’s surname would imply Zildjian is of Middle Eastern descent. And then I’d be a white writer and white voice trying to portray a non-white main character, being hyper conscious of how I present him at every step.
So I fell back to “default white” or hopefully a kind of surreal mystery. The characters in these stories can’t even see or feel what’s happening around them until Falk uses his power to narrate events, telling them how the fight turned out or what they’re seeing. Is “Falk Zildjian” a pseudonym or his name assigned at birth? He denies it but he doesn’t always sound convincing. Is he white by default or something else? Other characters and the audience won’t necessarily know until or unless he narrates it. The sign-off joke at the end of this episode’s credits tries to hint at that: “Who knows what complexion lurks on a character who’s not depicted in a visual medium? This Gun in My Hand!”
It’s a cop out. Maybe I’ll figure out a better way later.
2. I looked up police radio codes for Michigan. “5400” is used in some jurisdictions for traffic violations. I couldn’t find one specifically for burned out tail light. Also I mention Michigan sometimes, but Parabellum City is not necessarily supposed to be in Michigan. It’s in the "tri-state area." Pick any three states.
3. Mr. Freeman says his pistol is in a holster in his left armpit. Officer Goodman later says it’s in his “starboard armpit.” I screwed up. The left side of the vehicle as you face forward is “port,” not “starboard.”
4. What’s the year in this setting? I try to make it sound like the 1930s or 40s in some ways, like the antique police siren in this episode, references to Walter Winchell, Falk’s knowledge of old superhero & pulp characters like The Spider, the Green Lama, The Black Terror, Spy Smasher, The Phantom. But there are jokes about more modern events and ideas, all the jargon about ace, non-binary, LGBTQQIA++. Don’t make me pin it down.
5. Here’s a joke that might not have come across clearly in the audio. Officer Goodman and Sgt. Abolysche exclaim in unison, “Falk Zildjian!” when he first appears in the episode. Goodman can see and recognize Falk. Abolysche’s voice is filtered because he’s back at the station talking over the radio. How could he see Falk walking up? Because all the other characters should exclaim his name in unison when Falk Zildjian appears.
6. Detective Badcopowitz talks about a “bad BJ.” Officer Goodman says, “I loved that show. That chimp used to crack me up.” There was a sitcom from 1978-1981 about a trucker and his chimp called B.J. and The Bear.
7. Did I coin the phrase “jazz sticks” or did I hear it somewhere? People say “jazz cigarettes” or “sticks of tea,” but apparently they’re talking about tools for playing percussion when they say “jazz sticks.” Oh well. You know what I meant.
8. Is there such a thing as LGBTQIA++? Double-plus good? There is now.
Episode 8: Zildjian’s Pal, Lemmy Jolson
1. There are real newspapers still published in the US named “The Daily Sentinel,” so I’m not infringing on the fictional newspaper published by any fictional lime-colored heroes when I mention it.
2. Jokes about Lemmy Kilmister and Al Jolson. Apart from the references to 70s sitcoms, that’s what you’re here for, right?
3. "Lemmy Jolson" is kind of a garbled spoonerism for Jimmy Olson. Ritt Breed and Matt Ban are spoonerisms.
4. I stopped short of mentioning Dr. Strange or Iron Fist by name when I was talking about heroes who gained their abilities or knowledge in “exotic” Eastern lands. Should have mentioned The Shadow too.
5. The kids putting on a show were Billy Narrator Jr., Peetie Westlaw, Winifred and Froggy. I didn't want to tear up my throat doing a froggy voice, so I differentiated Froggy by giving him the highest voice. Still gave him most of the punchlines though. Peetie Westlaw is a play on the name of the Blues singer Peetie Wheatstraw, “The Devil’s Son-in-Law.” See also Rudy Ray Moore’s 1977 movie, Petey Wheatstraw. I wasn't trying to do a vocal impression of the Blues singer, just love the name.
Episode 9: Invasion of The Emerald Ash Borer
1. The Green Hornet’s faithful valet Kato was first described as Japanese in the radio show. As relations with Japan became tense (but before the war), the narrator started describing Kato as Filipino. The first actor who voiced Kato on the radio show, Tokutaro Hayashi (later known as Raymond Toyo), was imprisoned in the Tule Lake War Relocation Center in California during World War II. A newsletter published by inmates of the concentration camp mentions Toyo’s role on the Green Hornet and says that he worked in theater productions in the camp.
The Green Hornet and his characters probably don't deserve it, but I have this redemptive headcanon fan-theory that in the story, Britt and Kato saw the writing on the wall and started telling everyone in town that Kato was Filipino, not Japanese, so he wouldn't be put in a concentration camp.
Oh, and if it seems weird to hear "valet" rhyming with "mallet" instead of "ballet," that's the way it was pronounced on GH radio show, and on Downton Abbey if I remember correctly. They also used to call cars "coupé" so it rhymed with "toupée."
2. I found a website listing the most common Filipino surnames and landed on "Castro." I’m guessing it's more common than “Kato,” although that’s certainly possible.
3. “The Gallery of the Emerald Ash Borer.” For whatever reason, entomologists use the word “gallery” when talking about the area under tree bark where emerald ash borer larvae chew zig-zag lines back and forth.
4. Largo Mane is a spoonerism.
5. Castro says Lamont Cranford’s assistant Largo Mane is rumored to practice witchcraft. Margo Lane, Lamont Cranston’s assistant on The Shadow radio show, was first voiced by Agnes Moorehead … who later played Endora on Bewitched.
7. How the hell does a laxative fight colds?
8. This Gun in My Hand is not actually recorded in the studios of WXYZ Detroit. It is, however, recorded within the Twentieth-Century broadcast area of WXYZ-TV.
