This Gun in My Hand
Indomitable hero by virtue of the fact that he carries a gun, Falk Zildjian patrols the streets of Parabellum City in search of injustices to shoot. What would make anyone listen to an old time radio parody with a cast of one? This Gun in My Hand!
Tuesday, October 14, 2025
Bottle Episode - Episode 139
Sunday, September 28, 2025
Black Cats and Bad Habits - Episode 138
Another day, another public brawl on the streets of Parabellum City. Will Falk quell the unrest and clean up the streets? Are there laws requiring reporters to have alliterative names and film critics to use French terms? Listen to find out!
Black Cats and Bad Habits, episode 138 of This Gun in My Hand, was Rob Northrup crossing your path. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What contains several bits which can form a fragmentary story when used together? This Gun in My Hand!
Show Notes:
1. The Black Cat in this episode is NOT a rip-off of the Marvel comics character with the same name. It’s a rip-off of the public domain superhero Black Cat who first appeared in Pocket Comics #1, August 1941, and had her own title from Harvey Comics with various name changes (Black Cat Western Comics, Black Cat Mystery Comics, Black Cat Mystic) until 1963.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Cat_(Harvey_Comics)
2. When Wordplay took his second play “Shoot” on tour, he found it was not as popular outside of Parabellum City.
3. Lana Krang presumably uses a paper or cardstock folder for her Bits file. Mine is digital but the filename is “Bits.”
4. If I was trying to cheer up Miss Krang, I’d remind her of some artistically and monetarily successful novelists who were late bloomers: Umberto Eco wrote a lot of non-fiction before his first novel, The Name of the Rose, was published when he was 50. Alan Bradley was 71 when his excellent first novel, The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie, was published. Many such cases.
Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the transitional and closing music were from The Big Combo (1955), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.
Sound Effect Title: The cat begs for food. Meowing.wav by tosha73
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/548352/
Sound Effect Title: HARP GLISSANDO DOWN.WAV
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/olver/sounds/505064/
Sound Effect Title: Cat Eating Dry Food by qubodup
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/218181/
Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/
Sound Effect Title: Kicking/Forcing/Breaking Wooden Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/160213/
Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html
Sound Effect Title: Foley_Phone_Old_PickUp_HangUp_Mono.wav by Nox_Sound
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/559475/
Sound Effect Title: Clean phone tones.wav by FreqMan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/24371/
Sound Effect Title (coin drop): Pay Phone.wav by everythingsounds
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/197141/
Sound Effect Title: phone rotary dial number.flac by kyles
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/637751/
The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a public domain postcard painting by Frances Brundage, via Wikimedia Commons.
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Frances_Brundage_schwarze_Katze.jpg
Image Alt text: Painting from an old greeting card by Frances Brundage shows a rosy-cheeked little blond girl in a black hat with a red ribbon and bow around it, somewhere between a witch’s hat and a Puritan’s hat. She holds up a distressed black kitten with a huge red bow and ribbon around its neck. The girl wears a white shirt with sleeves to her elbows and a red shawl.
Saturday, September 6, 2025
Gold Dentures - Episode 137
How much is a set of gold dentures worth? How many people have to die before this lovable American scoundrel in Havana and his lovely, smokey-voiced ward decide “will they or won’t they?” Listen to find out!
Gold Dentures, episode 137 of This Gun in My Hand, was crafted and gilded by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon.
How do I sound like someone from a foreign land? This Gun in My Hand! (Wait, I don’t mean they fire guns more often. How could anyone have more guns than Americans? Never mind. This Gun in My Hand.)
Show Notes:
1. If you haven’t heard the old time radio drama Bold Venture, you should give it a try. It ran from 1951-1952, starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, set in pre-Castro Cuba.
https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Bold_Venture_Singles
2. The part of King Moses in Bold Venture was performed by Jester Hairston. One of the first black students to attend Tufts University, Hairston studied music at Julliard, collaborated with Russian composer Dmitri Tiomkin for 30 years, wrote the song “Amen” that became a hit for The Impressions in 1964, and acted in tv and films like The Alamo, To Kill a Mockingbird, In the Heat of the Night, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka and Being John Malkovich.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jester_Hairston
3. Music for the Bold Venture radio show was composed by David Rose, who later wrote music for films and tv shows like Leave it to Beaver, Bonanza, Little House on the Prairie and Highway to Heaven. If you think of the jazzy trombone song that has become a cliche of burlesque, you’re probably thinking of Rose’s composition “The Stripper,” which hit #1 in 1962.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Rose_(songwriter)
Credits:
The opening and transitional music clips were from episodes of the public domain radio show Bold Venture. Closing music was from the public domain film Killer Bait (1949). Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.
Sound Effect Title: Ocean waves white noisy BAHAMAS 180520.wav by TRP
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/573179/
Sound Effect Title: R28-47-Man and Woman Screaming.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/482833/
Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps in Sand by kessir
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/264124/
Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/717133/
Music Title: rmr morphagene reels - latin_guitar by jjbbllkk
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/530725/
Sound Effect Title: 05 - Swing doors by 14GSionJ
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/419387/
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/
Sound Effect Title: custom_TMNT_punch_sounds_part_2_12242024 by Artninja
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/779939/
Sound Effect Title: Coconuts hit together then fall onto a wood floor by JHo3000
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/693517/
The image accompanying this episode is a modified version of a 1940s postcard, artist unknown, presumed to be public domain.
Image Alt text: A colorful postcard labeled “Souvenir of Havana, Cuba” with a rectangle in upper right that says “PLACE STAMP HERE” and a few lines to write an address. A photo of the National Capitol Building in Havana colorized to highlight flowers, palm trees and a cloudy blue sky in the background.
Friday, August 22, 2025
The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz - Episode 136
Has Petra finally given up her pursuit of Falk and found a new love? Is he man enough for her? Is he a man? Is stress a killer? Listen to find out!
The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz, episode 136 of This Gun in My Hand, were dispensed from the coin-operated intelligence Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. Into what mesmerizing object do I gaze to view the future? This Gun in My Hand!
Show Notes:
1. Anyone who grew up within broadcast range of Detroit tv in the 1980s will remember Ben Franklin’s unlikely proverb from the ubiquitous Highland Appliance commercials on Presidents’ Day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6waErG4Qwc
2. The commercial for Ghost Detective was inspired by “The Thing in The Tunnel,” an episode of Weird Circle radio show originally broadcast March 4th, 1945.
https://archive.org/details/OTRR_Weird_Circle_Singles
3. In November-December 1997, Burger King kid’s meals contained toys promoting the animated feature film Anastasia, including the white bat Bartok who spoke three phrases. One of the phrases was “Stress, it’s a killer.” Due to the cheap mechanism that played recorded phrases, a parent claimed on tv news that this delinquent toy was telling her child, “Hey, have a tequila.”
4. I’m almost positive Falk has used the expression “love is love” in a past episode. But his memory is as bad as mine.
Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.
Sound Effect Title: old pinball.wav by mapleleaf
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/mapleleaf/sounds/34730/
Sound Effect Title: MM Project -10 Pinball by RTB45
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/368767/
Sound Effect Title: money_box.mp3 by Taira Komori
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/212398/
Sound Effect Title: Ticket machine printing a ticket by Licorne_En_Fer
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/772976/
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/
Sound Effect Title: scifi_scare_b.aiff by realtheremin
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/119012/
Sound Effect Title: Squeaky Car Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/coltures/sounds/262325/#
Sound Effect Title: S37-24 Car starts; revs; skids; crashes; skids; footsteps; voices sirens.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/675839/
The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the public domain cover of The Century, Midsummer Holiday Number 1895, from a lithograph by artist Louis Rhead (1857-1926).
Image Alt text: Colorful art nouveau style illustration of a woman in a gauzy yellow dress leaning back against a stone bench. Her right hand holds a huge brown leaf which she’s fanning over her head. Her left arm is draped along the back of the bench. Sunflowers rise behind her. We can also see a large body of water with sailboats in the background, and a small sun-dial beside her. She has brown hair and a wistful expression, maybe pleasant, maybe bored. Letters in the upper right say The Bitter Tears of Petra Wojciehowicz.
Saturday, August 2, 2025
Falk Meets Mat Ban - Episode 135
Can Falk vanquish one of the grimmest, darkest, most dangerous vigilantes to ever delight audiences in our grimmest, darkest world? How do you have more than one origin story? Listen to find out!
Falk Meets Mat Ban, episode 135 of This Gun in My Hand, was grimly darkened by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Little Heist in the Big Woods and Other Revisionist Atrocities. Good lord, I wrote this script so long ago, it was promoting my previous story collection. For the freshest fiction, buy my novella Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I signal when the story is about to get gritty? This Gun in My Hand!
Show Notes:
1. Catafalque Earth Moving Equipment is not affiliated with Monback Brothers Trash Hauling.
2. We did not hit this season’s quota with episode 131. But there’s still time.
3. The often-repeated origin story of a certain vigilante detective in long underwear begins with his parents getting killed after they saw The Mark of Zorro. The Crimson Clown mentioned in this episode was another anti-hero from Johnston McCulley, creator of Zorro. No films of The Crimson Clown were released in our universe, to the best of my knowledge.
4. How many spoonerisms did you count in this episode? I count at least three. I’m particularly proud of Mat Ban: The Narc Right Detournes.
Credits:
The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.
The music for “Come Listen to Mat Ban” is my poor attempt to sound like Joel Mabus’s arrangement of “Blues in a Bottle,” first recorded and released 1928 by Prince Albert Hunt’s Texas Ramblers although the original author is unknown, “traditional.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfT4cJA1n64&t=29s
Sound Effect Title: Rain.WAV by inchadney
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/123703/
Sound Effect Title: Downpipe2.wav by digitfishmusic
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/digifishmusic/sounds/71594/?
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/
Sound Effect Title: helmutscream_short.wav by creativeheroes
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/84353/
Sound Effect Title: Wood_Creak_02.wav by dheming
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/177779/
Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/
Sound Effect Title: Bouncing Glas Marbles.wav by Cymeon
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/245402/
Sound Effect Title: 06-1 Shovel by 16GPanskaKomarkova_Marina
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/496725/
Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel by Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/
Sound Effect Title: Beep 1 sec.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/austin1234575/sounds/213795/
Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html
Sound Effect Title: Punching with ivy by itsadequate
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/353676/
Sound Effect Title: Punches.wav by CGEffex
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/s/94679/
Sound Effect Title: G24-01-Warner Brothers Body Fall.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438300/
The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a panel from the public domain Suspense Comics Number 6, October 1944, art by John Giunta. Note that whoever lettered this page misspelled the artist’s last name. Everywhere I can find it on the web, it’s spelled “Giunta.”
Image Alt text: Comic book style line art depicts a skeletal grim reaper-type figure and faces of several people inside a black circle. An oversized string of pearls extends from one of the ghoul’s hands toward the bottom of the drawing and back up to his other hand. In the upper left is the head of a woman with black hair wearing a red fascinator. In the upper left is a man’s face with a blue fedora and blue coat collar. Fourteen other faces of men and women appear in and around the pearls. Across the top are the words ‘“...pretty pearls..pretty pearls..”’ Credits on the lower right show “Story by R. Northrup, Art by John Guinta.” It’s spelled wrong, should be Giunta. In lower right large letters say FALK MEETS MAT BAN.
Wednesday, July 16, 2025
Lyrics to The Ballad of Falk Zildjian (The Parabellum Citybillies Theme)
Come and listen to a story 'bout a fella named Falk
Careful how you say his name or people start to talk.
Well one fine day he was shootin' at some fools
who was counterfeitin' skee-ball tickets in a grade school.
[Spoken:] Abandoned grade school, that is. Boiler room.
Now first thing you know, Falk’s on the radio.
This Gun in My Hand is the name of his show.
Weren’t too long, he had the villains on the run.
Indomitable hero by virtue of the fact
that he carries a gun.
Yer gun makes you the hero so you do the best you can.
Papers called him "menace" cuz they couldn’t spell Zildjian.
They said, "Parabellum is the place ya oughta be!"
He said, "I’m already there" and he shot 'em in the knee.
[Spoken:] The bad guy, that is. Not the newspaper men. I wish I could write rhymin' lyrics better so’s I wouldn’t have to clarify with these spoken sections.
Announcer: The Parabellum Citybillies!
Come and listen to a story 'bout some poor mountain folk.
Depression and the dustbowl ain’t no joke.
We packed up our troubles and we headed west fast.
You wanna know more, read The Grapes of Wrath.
[Spoken:] The novel, that is. Steinbeck. Hard times. Injustice.
Announcer: The Parabellum Citybillies!
Sunday, July 13, 2025
This Banjo on My Knee - Episode 134
Why have the abandoned farm houses outside of town filled up and why are the squatters shooting at each other? Are they even human? What is a “mam-mama” or a “goomah?” What state is Parabellum City in? Listen to find out!
This Banjo on My Knee, episode 134 of This Gun in My Hand, was farmed and worked by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What musical instrument accompanies my lyrical exposition? This Gun in My Hand!
Show Notes:
1. When I moved from Michigan to Houston for a year, courting my pen-pal Melinda, I heard one of her teen-aged nieces use the term “Mam-mama” for her grandmother. I developed a theory that across the South, they keep adding the sound “mam” for every generation of a matriarch. My theory was wrong. It was just one kid who had trouble pronouncing “grandmama.”
2. “Goomah” is an Americanized pronunciation of the Italian word “comare,” informally used to mean mistress.
3. A great aunt or second cousin in my mother’s father’s family published a book of genealogy and stories about the family, including a poem by somebody way back which included the down-homey line “Now Pa, you’re fabricatin’.”
4. Another mistake I found after recording and editing which I didn’t feel like fixing: the word “this” is a demonstrative pronoun or demonstrative determiner, not a personal pronoun.
Credits:
The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Interstitial music from the public domain radio show Mystery House, “Dagger in the Dark” broadcast July 5, 1946. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.
Sound Effect Title: Park ambience - mostly birds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Mafon2/sounds/274175/#
Sound Effect Title: Shoe polishing - tripple wipe stroke - 221098_AshtiHari_SD100_Term4.wav by 221098HariPotter
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/221098HariPotter/sounds/655571/?
Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/
Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire by GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html
Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html
Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot) by Carmelomike
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/
Sound Effect Title: 22lr Caliber Rifle Shots and Reloading
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/717133/
Sound Effect Title: gavel-double.flac
By zerolagtime (Sen. John Kerry recorded from C-Span)
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/zerolagtime/sounds/70069/
Sound Effect Title: typewriter18.ogg by tams_kp
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/43558/
Sound Effect Title: G24-01-Warner Brothers Body Fall.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438300/
The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of Hillbilly Comics, Volume 1, Number 4, October 1955, by Art Gates, public domain. Full issue available at:
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/index.php?did=12739
Alt Image Text: Comic book line art of six stereotypical hillbillies in a sleek yellow convertible, speeding away from the silhouette of a man jumping in the distance, a word balloon saying “Stop” pointing to him. A man with black beard, no mustache and ragged hat is smiling as he leans over the steering wheel. A beautiful young black-haired woman in a patched and ragged blouse sits in the middle of the front seat with her arm behind the driver. A scowling man with a bowl haircut and grey cap (possibly a Confederate kepi) is in the passenger side of the front seat, his bare feet dangling out the side of the car with a black boar held in his lap. In the back seat are an older, heavy woman laughing widely with one tooth missing, a distressed looking young man sprawled in her lap with his feet out the side of the car, and an excited young man in a coonskin cap with a long-barrelled musket that is firing. A word balloon pointing to the man with musket says, “THIS BANJO ON MY KNEE comics.” A word balloon pointing to the driver says “SOLD TO THE AMERICAN!”