I Have Her MAC-10 - Episode 124

Can Falk shut down the villains who are copying his radio show? Is it a warning of horrible events to come or a plot to bring about horrible events? How does it hold up against nitroglycerin? Listen to find out!

I Have Her MAC-10, episode 124 of This Gun in My Hand, was dry-fired by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What ends a story more subtly than an explosion? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Falk doesn't seem to realize the music used for his show is in public domain. He couldn’t sue anyone else who wanted to use it.

2. In our world, the US agreed in a 1977 treaty to gradually give control of the canal to the nation of Panama, planning the handoff to be complete in 1999.

3. Kids These Days might not be aware that until the end of the Twentieth Century, every American city and town and village had a directory called a “phone book” which was distributed to the public and which doxxed everyone who had a phone, listing their phone number and address. You could pay the phone company to be "unlisted," to exclude your name, number or address from the phone book. This was not considered a bribe or extortion because people had not yet reached a consensus that too many people had been stalked or killed over the decades. The introduction of cell phones seems to have changed that paradigm. I hope.

Credits:
The opening and transitional music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

"Kelvar" commercial music taken from Crestablanca radio commercial.
https://www.oldradioworld.com/media/Vintage%20Commercials%20Crestablanca.mp3

Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

Sound Effect Title: 60Hz_Tube_Radio_Hum.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/hetanoyokozuki/sounds/541812/

Sound Effect Title: Radio tuning-static-interference
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/quantumriver/sounds/552160/

Sound Effect Title: S15-03 Good general walla with some dishes; cheer.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675070/

Sound Effect Title: G28-27-Crowd Fast Walla Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438387/

Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ 

Sound Effect Title: R28-44-Women Screaming and Rapid Talking.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/479894/

Sound Effect Title: Casio AS-51R Cassette Player Tape/Radio Switch by OneKellyOrdered
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/624638/ 

Sound Effect Title: Squeaky Car Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/coltures/sounds/262325/#

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel
By Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/

Sound Effect Title: House Front Door Inside 3.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/saturdaysoundguy/sounds/388027/# 

Sound Effect Title: Floorboard Creak 2
by Soundbysimmons
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/717231/ 

Sound Effect Title: Hiss of a Tilley pressurised paraffin (kerosene) lamp
by odilonmarcenaro
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/275999/

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode includes modified details from the public domain comic book Our Presidents From Washington to Eisenhower (circa 1950s, artist unknown) and the cover of the public domain magazine Phantom Detective, Volume 40, Number 1, October 1942, art by Rudolph Belarski.

Where Should You Start?

If you're curious about This Gun in My Hand but aren't sure about going back to listen to 123 episodes in order beginning with Episode One, Skee-Ball Racket, I don't blame you.  There are tons of call-backs to earlier episodes and inside jokes, but also unrelated jokes so you can jump in anywhere and get up to speed.

So if you don't want to start with Episode One or with the latest episode, what others might be good introductions? Here are some episodes that stand alone, and a few that I'm more proud of than others.

1. Skee-Ball Racket - Still the best introduction of Falk Zildjian and his shtick. 

3. Not So Heroic - The mother and daughter from a 1980s feminine hygiene commercial shill guns, as their commercial takes over the whole episode.

7. The Only Thing That Stops a Few Bad Apples - Officer Goodman is unsure how to racially profile a driver with a broken tail-light, because it's not a visual medium. Later he joins Detective Badcopowitz to interrogate Falk Zildjian about his powers.

15. Gun Buyback - Why would the National Rifle Manufacturers Association host a gun buyback event? And why would the G.I. Jake team, ICE, Seal Team Six, C.O.B.R.A., robots and ponies show up to sell their guns?

16. How Many - WPBC headlines, this just in: a bullet. In my spleen. Gunman here in the studio. In just a moment we’ll bring you back to the top story about the school shooting and the capitol shooting. Will I live? 

20. Infern-O-Scope - What in the Hell is going on here? Yes, that’s one way to view it. What will Falk & Castro see when they peer through the Infern-O-scope?

32. The Highwayman - Will Falk get a chance to take down the highway robber before bystanders talk his ear off? Is she making a fair analogy to the relationship between capitalist and worker?

34. 2 Fast 2 Boggan - Has this gang of young daredevils decided the most exciting sport is breaking the law? Or are they just sledding?

37. Strikeforce Shakespeare - What if G.I. Joe ran out of ideas for a new wave of action figures so they  gave codenames based on the military and Shakespeare?

48. All Fashion Police Are Fabulous - How will Falk escape from the Fashion Police? What conglomerate of villains threatens the tri-state area and beyond? What is the deeper code in Little Orphan Ayn’s decoder rings?

54. Look Out, Moon (featuring Captain Rogers) - Falk sets his sights on Buck Rogers, Mr. Rogers and Star Trek's idiotic Prime Directive.

60. Hush, Sweet Zildjian - Falk tries to stay awake while confronting Autonomous Sensory Mind Rendition, or ASMR.

69. Heck's Pantry for the Holidays - A Hallmark Christmas Romance with organized crime, meat cleavers and guns.

70. Domestic Harmony - Falk makes a guest appearance on his friends' radio sitcom, "Information Wants to Be Free, But For You It's Two Bits."

83. Multitracks of Madness - In the only stereophonic episode of This Gun in My Hand, Falk seeks help from a strange doctor to pass through the doors of perception on the trail of a French killer! Will he return from the sixth dimension with his dangerous quarry? Will he return at all? 

98. Do Androids Dream of His Girl Friday? - What happens when Falk gets stuck in a screwball comedy? Can Falk weed out the humans from the androids? Uses dialog from the 1940 public domain film His Girl Friday.

102. Fievel Getcha Ten - A morality play about a boy stumbling into the world of vice, from penny-pitching to billiards to pinball. 

108. Zildjian's Away to Shropshire - In gratitude for his assistance, Lord and Lady Pelennor invite Falk to visit their estate. Is there no end to their generosity? Is there no escape? Is chili better than rashers for your supper? Listen to find out!

111. Cut Down in His Prime - New radio show called The Loner about a drifter who finds bodies and solves crimes. So many bodies.

113. Don't Kid a Kidder - For two bits per day plus expenses, you can hire Billy Narrator, boy detective to solve your mysteries. Where’s my missing cat? Does Georgia like me? Where’d that corpse come from? Listen to find out!

As you can see, it's hard for me to pick out only a few because they all sound good. Are you sure you don't want to start with episode one and listen to every one? Maybe after you try a few you'll come back for more.

Go to Health - Episode 123

Medical help for Falk's wound is right around the corner, but how will he get past The Health Access Facilitator? Will corporate bureaucracy spell his doom? You're gonna use an Allen wrench on a pipe fitting? Listen to find out!

Go to Health, episode 123 of This Gun in My Hand, was doctored by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I ensure every episode goes out with a bang? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. The President of the United States depicted in this episode is fictional, not meant to represent the president you’re thinking of. Any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
2. I thought it would make the nurse sound uninformed about plumbing if she thought an Allen wrench would help tighten a loose pipe fitting, but maybe one of those hose clamps with the bolt that tightens it could have an Allen bolt? Slightly autobiographical scene – even when I understand what tools and parts need to be used for a plumbing repair, my trouble is usually trying to fit the wrench into a tight and awkward position.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music Title: Impact Allegretto
by Kevin MacLeod
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 International
https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Kevin_MacLeod/Impact/Impact_Allegretto_1100/

"Gun Doctor" music and hoofbeats taken from the September 2, 1954 episode of the radio show Dr. Sixgun.
License: Public Domain
https://archive.org/details/otr_drsixgun

Sound Effect Title: laser gun blasts #2
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/377971/ 

Sound Effect Title: Laser Machine Gun
By Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://soundbible.com/1774-Laser-Machine-Gun.html

Sound Effect Title: Laser Machine Gun
by sonically_sound
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/612875/ 

Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav
by craigsmith
License: Publid Domain
https://freesound.org/s/675666/ 

Sound Effect Title: distant rumbling thunderstorm, ambience
by greyfeather
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/712914/ 

Sound Effect Title: Rumble of the rain in Africa during the rain season
by felix.blume
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/190139/ 

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode includes modified details of panels from the public domain comics Robotmen of The Lost Planet Number 1 (1952), art by Gene Fawcette, and General Electric’s Adventures in Electronics (1955), art by George Roussous.

Certainly No Angels - Episode 122

Can Falk persuade a string of villains to change their ways? How can you avoid entanglements with your secretary? Would you like to wrestle now? Listen to find out!

Certainly No Angels, episode 122 of This Gun in My Hand, was certified angular by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use to put the boom in the boiler room? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Would a gray-on-gray costume fit with a “summer” seasonal color palette? It’s possible that Writer’s Brick doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Credits:
The opening and some transitional music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Transitional music around the commercial and the “Writer’s Brick” musical sting were from the June 9, 1946 episode of the public domain radio show US Steel Hour of Mystery. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music Title: Lobby Time
By Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lobby_Time_(ISRC_USUAN1600054).mp3

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire
By GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: mechanical alarm clock
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/522119/

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the inside cover of the public domain comic book Police Lineup Number 1 (August 1951), art by Wally Wood.

Uniquely Heroic Americans - Episode 121

What are the mysterious objects seen flying over Santopolis? Can Falk stop them with the help of a new paramilitary force made up of old familiar faces? How do you feel about cilantro? Listen to find out!

Uniquely Heroic Americans, episode 121 of This Gun in My Hand, was seasoned and lorded over by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What makes my chili taste uniquely American? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Is this the first episode to quote Dead Kennedys lyrics? Maybe.
2. Darn, I should have started the ad with “speaking of motherships…”
3. Robert Thomas Northrup’s mother did not rewrite the ad text in this episode. Some unnamed fictional character who wrote the ad might have solicited notes and rewrites from their mother, or might have been lying. Many statements made by characters in This Gun in My Hand are lies or mistakes. That’s for you to determine because your interpretation is more important than the actual author’s intent. See “The Death of the Author,” an essay by Roland Barthes.
https://web.archive.org/web/20200419132326/http://www.ubu.com/aspen/aspen5and6/threeEssays.html#barthes
4. “In the Western world, Persia (or its cognates) was historically the common name for Iran. In 1935, Reza Shah asked foreign delegates and League of Nations to use the term Iran (‘Land of the Aryans’), the endonym of the country, used by its native people, in formal correspondence.” - “Reza Shah,” Wikipedia, 2 January 2025, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reza_Shah#Replacement_of_Persia_with_Iran

Credits:
The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Transitional music around the commercial was from the June 9, 1946 episode of the public domain radio show US Steel Hour of Mystery. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: tug boat horn - sound effect.wav
By komal22moiz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/komal22moiz/sounds/380825/

Sound Effect Title: R11-19-Army Marching Steadily.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/480434/ 

(another marching sound to layer with above)
Sound Effect Title: Chân Lính
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/546791/ 

Sound Effect Title: Stomach Rumble
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/yrdn/sounds/473989/

Sound Effect Title: groaning1.flac
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/borygmi/sounds/414975/

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Kimmokkeita / Ricochets
By YleArkisto
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/YleArkisto/sounds/401921/

Sound Effect Title: A slap or smack in the face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/522596/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of the public domain comic book Fightin’ Marines Number 14 (May 1955), artist unknown.
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/index.php?dlid=21270

Journey Into Fiasco - Episode 120

Can David Graham, a torpedo engineer vital to the war effort, escape from German spies? Can Falk protect him? Is that supposed to be a Greek accent? Listen to find out!

Journey Into Fiasco, episode 120 of This Gun in My Hand, was driven and engineered by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What makes torpedoes move faster? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. This episode was inspired by “Journey Into Fear,” an episode of The US Steel Hour of Mystery starring Lawrence Olivier and broadcast on June 9, 1946, which was adapted from the 1940 novel by Eric Ambler.
https://www.oldtimeradiodownloads.com/thriller/the-hour-of-mystery/journey-into-fear-1946-06-09

2. No, it's not my impression of a Greek accent. The lines from Mithrodopolis in this episode are my impression of the guy from that 1946 broadcast of Journey Into Fear, doing an unidentifiable accent that's all over the place. I actually tried to sound like David Lander's character from On the Air, a 1992 David Lynch tv comedy that only aired 3 episodes in the US.

3. “Mon petit chou” was an expression I heard not in high school French class, but from my mother. She had learned it from her father who landed at Normandy three to six days after D-Day. He drove a refrigerated supply truck. I wonder in what context he learned “mon petit chou” from the locals?

Credits:
The opening and middle transitional music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Other music comes from “Journey Into Fear,” the June 9, 1946 episode of the public domain radio show Hour of Mystery. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: chugging diesel (bus) and rev.MP3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/CraftyIndividual/sounds/418436/

Sound Effect Title: bus coach ext pull up brake air release idle.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/454420/

Sound Effect Title: Bus Closing Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/am7/sounds/520753/

Sound Effect Title: bustle in the pub
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/organicmanpl/sounds/403285/

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps Dress Shoes Wood Floor.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/allrealsound/sounds/161756/

Sound Effect Title: Slam door.MP3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/SoundsForHim/sounds/395653/

Sound Effect Title: S16-06 Light wooden door open & close.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675878/

Sound Effect Title: Shotgun Reload Pump
Recorded by RA The Sun God
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1959-Shotgun-Reload-Pump.html

Sound Effect Title: 1911 Pistol Cocking
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/J.Anthracite/sounds/465488/

Sound Effect Title: Glock 19 Handgun Pistol Slide Cocking Sounds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/jackmurrayofficial/sounds/393734/

Sound Effect Title: AR15 M4 Gun Hardware Magazine Movement Sounds
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/jackmurrayofficial/sounds/393732/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Cocking Sound.mp3
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/545958/ 

Sound Effect Title: Pump Action Shotgun Cycle
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/370344/

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of a panel from the public domain Greyhound promotional comic book Driving Like a Pro (1958), artist unknown.
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/preview/index.php?did=31501

The Hapless Hack of Gazpacho Gulch - Episode 119

Is it wrong to make up stories about silly gunfights fifty years ago while authoritarian figures are taking power and civilians are getting massacred as we speak? That’s the dilemma Falk has to solve, in the middle of a gunfight!

The Hapless Hack of Gazpacho Gulch, episode 119 of This Gun in My Hand, was rustled up and branded with innuendo by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. (But wait until the strike's over to order it.) What helps me escape from my neighbor’s basement? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:

1. Getting a story accepted by an editor who was then fired, and getting it rejected by his replacement, was based on something that happened to my favorite creative writing professor, the late Dr. Gilbert Cross. The editor who liked his stuff published three of his spy novels under the name “Jon Winters” in the late 70s and early 80s, before getting replaced by an editor who didn’t like them.

Credits:

The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x

Recorded by Mike Koenig

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Real Colt 45 M1911 (shot)

By Carmelomike

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

https://freesound.org/people/Carmelomike/sounds/255216/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire

By GoodSoundForYou

License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: Kicking/Forcing/Breaking Wooden Door

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/160213/

Sound Effect Title: Plywood_Prying_01.wav 

By dheming

License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0

https://freesound.org/s/128408/ 

Sound Effect Title: door wood hit +window rattle slam bang various.wav 

License: Public Domain 

https://freesound.org/s/452595/ 

Sound Effect Title: Crash 

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/512246/ 

Sound Effect Title: S10-19 Falling wooden beam; big interior crash; house collapses; long.wav

License: Public Domain

https://freesound.org/s/675967/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of an interior illustration from Street & Smith’s Western Story Magazine, Vol. CLXXIV No. 2 (June 3, 1939), public domain, artist unknown.