A Song of Brass and Ash - Episode 126

Have beings from outer space landed in Heck’s Pantry? Will Falk stop the inhuman aural assault on Parabellum City? How come I don’t get no bassoon solo in the commercial? Listen to find out!

A Song of Brass and Ash, episode 126 of This Gun in My Hand, was blown until it was windy by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I get to Carnegie Hall? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. When searching for a sad trombone sound on freesound dot org, I found this cache of 91 twisted and screwed public domain trombone sounds by user PhonosUPF, most of them sounding nothing like a trombone. I’m not using all of them here, but they inspired this episode.
https://freesound.org/search/?q=phonosupf+trombone

2. The Hall of Justice shown in the 1970s Super Friends cartoon was based on the design of Cincinnati Union Terminal.

3. I can’t tell if the Zurich Baroque Ensemble’s recording of Marcello’s Oboe Concerto in F Minor includes bassoon as Jojo claims.

4. Young James Marshall Hendrix carried his guitar with him everywhere he could, to school and to friends’ houses, practicing all day. 

5. This Gun in My Hand podcast has existed longer than the Confederate States of America.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

The nineteen sound effects named below were created by PhonosUPF.
https://freesound.org/search/?q=phonosupf+trombone
In order of appearance in this episode, they were:
1. Trombone grave (501269)
2. Trombone grave 3
3. Trombone grave 2
4. Trombone metal 2
5. Trombone grave (490995)
6. Trombone stretching 13
7. Trombone signal 13
8. Trombone sequence
9. Trombone stretching 6
10. Trombone percussion
11. Trombone blow 2
12. Trombone set
13. Trombone blow
14. Trombone signal 14
15. Trombone grave 5
16. Wagnerian trombones
17? Trombone melody
18. Trombone glissandi
19. Trombone metal 5

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: R10-56-Footsteps on Metal Staircase.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480641/

Sound Effect Title: muted cornet 2.wav by thatjeffcarter
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/185435/ 

Sound Effect Title: tuba frullato by PhonosUPF
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/501504/ 

Music Title: Oboe Concerto in F Minor
Composed by Alessandro Marcello
Performed by The Zurich Baroque Ensemble
Composition and recording are in public domain.
https://musopen.org/music/45546-concerto-for-oboe-orchestra/

Sound Effect Title: Clarinet- ORTF Stereo Pair (NT-5's)-01.wav by debudding
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/44361/ 

Sound Effect Title: Banging Metal Lid by wolfdoctor
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/520074/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the public domain cover of the 1951 novel Blues for the Prince written by Bart Spicer, artist unknown.

This Hun in My Gland - Episode 125

Upset stomach? Feeling liverish? Is something obstructing you from your normal functions? It might be a microscopic Nazi U-boat exploring your nether regions. How will you survive? Listen to find out!

This Hun in My Gland, episode 125 of This Gun in My Hand, was forcefully expelled from the lips of Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What folk remedy settles an upset stomach? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Doktor Goren’s surname is taken from a minor character from the Springbok Radio drama Vale of Darkness, written by Ron Evans. I can’t find info about when it was originally broadcast, but you can listen to the series from the Internet Archive or other sources on the web.
https://archive.org/details/vale-of-darkness-19xx-xx-xx-26/Vale_of_Darkness_19xx-xx-xx_01.mp3

2. For the purposes of crossover with Melinda’s stories about fairy munchkins, hamquatches, reptilibugs and the pets of our extended family, let’s assume Fritz is actually my sister-in-law’s dog playing the trombone. He’s not a Nazi, just playing a part.

3. When I was searching for a “sad trombone” on freesound dot org, I found 91 sound trombone samples stretched and modified by user PhonosUPF. The weird dramatic sound near the end of the episode is actually two of those trombone sounds combined.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950) and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: Sad Trombone.wav
by Benboncan
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/73581/ 

Sound Effect Title: descent.wav by Dguil
License: Creative Commons Sampling+
https://freesound.org/s/85212/ 

Eatmore Meats commercial jingle by Allied Radio Artists.
License: Public Domain
https://www.oldtimeradiodownloads.com/commercials/allied-radio-artists-radio-jingles/eatmore-meat-products-195x-xx-xx

Sound Effect Title: 60Hz_Tube_Radio_Hum.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/hetanoyokozuki/sounds/541812/

Sound Effect Title: G45-18-Submarine Motor Stop.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/438720/ 

Sound Effect Title: R18-31-Old Car Ahooga Horn.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/480002/ 

Sound Effect Title: Pouring Soup in a Metal Pan - Quick,Short,Gross
by Hitrison
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/251410/

Sound Effect Title: trombone melody 3 by PhonosUPF
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/501272/

Sound Effect Title: trombone blow by PhonosUPF
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/491015/ 

Sound Effect Title: Charlie Brown Style Teacher by crashoverride6
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/146933/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a collage including details from Detective Fiction Weekly, February 12, 1938 (public domain painting by V. E. Pyles) and a panel from the public domain National Comics Number 36, October 1943 (pencils and inks by Jon Blummer).

I Have Her MAC-10 - Episode 124

Can Falk shut down the villains who are copying his radio show? Is it a warning of horrible events to come or a plot to bring about horrible events? How does it hold up against nitroglycerin? Listen to find out!

I Have Her MAC-10, episode 124 of This Gun in My Hand, was dry-fired by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What ends a story more subtly than an explosion? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Falk doesn't seem to realize the music used for his show is in public domain. He couldn’t sue anyone else who wanted to use it.

2. In our world, the US agreed in a 1977 treaty to gradually give control of the canal to the nation of Panama, planning the handoff to be complete in 1999.

3. Kids These Days might not be aware that until the end of the Twentieth Century, every American city and town and village had a directory called a “phone book” which was distributed to the public and which doxxed everyone who had a phone, listing their phone number and address. You could pay the phone company to be "unlisted," to exclude your name, number or address from the phone book. This was not considered a bribe or extortion because people had not yet reached a consensus that too many people had been stalked or killed over the decades. The introduction of cell phones seems to have changed that paradigm. I hope.

Credits:
The opening and transitional music clips were from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

"Kelvar" commercial music taken from Crestablanca radio commercial.
https://www.oldradioworld.com/media/Vintage%20Commercials%20Crestablanca.mp3

Sound Effect Title: Car_motor_Sound.m4a
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/Blizzard123/sounds/504633/#

Sound Effect Title: 60Hz_Tube_Radio_Hum.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/hetanoyokozuki/sounds/541812/

Sound Effect Title: Radio tuning-static-interference
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/quantumriver/sounds/552160/

Sound Effect Title: S15-03 Good general walla with some dishes; cheer.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/675070/

Sound Effect Title: G28-27-Crowd Fast Walla Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/438387/

Sound Effect Title: R02-06-Medium Crowd Applause.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/480682/ 

Sound Effect Title: R28-44-Women Screaming and Rapid Talking.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/craigsmith/sounds/479894/

Sound Effect Title: Casio AS-51R Cassette Player Tape/Radio Switch by OneKellyOrdered
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/624638/ 

Sound Effect Title: Squeaky Car Door
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/coltures/sounds/262325/#

Sound Effect Title: Footsteps on gravel
By Joozz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/Joozz/sounds/531952/

Sound Effect Title: House Front Door Inside 3.wav
License: Public domain
https://freesound.org/people/saturdaysoundguy/sounds/388027/# 

Sound Effect Title: Floorboard Creak 2
by Soundbysimmons
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/717231/ 

Sound Effect Title: Hiss of a Tilley pressurised paraffin (kerosene) lamp
by odilonmarcenaro
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/275999/

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode includes modified details from the public domain comic book Our Presidents From Washington to Eisenhower (circa 1950s, artist unknown) and the cover of the public domain magazine Phantom Detective, Volume 40, Number 1, October 1942, art by Rudolph Belarski.

Where Should You Start?

If you're curious about This Gun in My Hand but aren't sure about going back to listen to 123 episodes in order beginning with Episode One, Skee-Ball Racket, I don't blame you.  There are tons of call-backs to earlier episodes and inside jokes, but also unrelated jokes so you can jump in anywhere and get up to speed.

So if you don't want to start with Episode One or with the latest episode, what others might be good introductions? Here are some episodes that stand alone, and a few that I'm more proud of than others.

1. Skee-Ball Racket - Still the best introduction of Falk Zildjian and his shtick. 

3. Not So Heroic - The mother and daughter from a 1980s feminine hygiene commercial shill guns, as their commercial takes over the whole episode.

7. The Only Thing That Stops a Few Bad Apples - Officer Goodman is unsure how to racially profile a driver with a broken tail-light, because it's not a visual medium. Later he joins Detective Badcopowitz to interrogate Falk Zildjian about his powers.

15. Gun Buyback - Why would the National Rifle Manufacturers Association host a gun buyback event? And why would the G.I. Jake team, ICE, Seal Team Six, C.O.B.R.A., robots and ponies show up to sell their guns?

16. How Many - WPBC headlines, this just in: a bullet. In my spleen. Gunman here in the studio. In just a moment we’ll bring you back to the top story about the school shooting and the capitol shooting. Will I live? 

20. Infern-O-Scope - What in the Hell is going on here? Yes, that’s one way to view it. What will Falk & Castro see when they peer through the Infern-O-scope?

32. The Highwayman - Will Falk get a chance to take down the highway robber before bystanders talk his ear off? Is she making a fair analogy to the relationship between capitalist and worker?

34. 2 Fast 2 Boggan - Has this gang of young daredevils decided the most exciting sport is breaking the law? Or are they just sledding?

37. Strikeforce Shakespeare - What if G.I. Joe ran out of ideas for a new wave of action figures so they  gave codenames based on the military and Shakespeare?

48. All Fashion Police Are Fabulous - How will Falk escape from the Fashion Police? What conglomerate of villains threatens the tri-state area and beyond? What is the deeper code in Little Orphan Ayn’s decoder rings?

54. Look Out, Moon (featuring Captain Rogers) - Falk sets his sights on Buck Rogers, Mr. Rogers and Star Trek's idiotic Prime Directive.

60. Hush, Sweet Zildjian - Falk tries to stay awake while confronting Autonomous Sensory Mind Rendition, or ASMR.

69. Heck's Pantry for the Holidays - A Hallmark Christmas Romance with organized crime, meat cleavers and guns.

70. Domestic Harmony - Falk makes a guest appearance on his friends' radio sitcom, "Information Wants to Be Free, But For You It's Two Bits."

83. Multitracks of Madness - In the only stereophonic episode of This Gun in My Hand, Falk seeks help from a strange doctor to pass through the doors of perception on the trail of a French killer! Will he return from the sixth dimension with his dangerous quarry? Will he return at all? 

98. Do Androids Dream of His Girl Friday? - What happens when Falk gets stuck in a screwball comedy? Can Falk weed out the humans from the androids? Uses dialog from the 1940 public domain film His Girl Friday.

102. Fievel Getcha Ten - A morality play about a boy stumbling into the world of vice, from penny-pitching to billiards to pinball. 

108. Zildjian's Away to Shropshire - In gratitude for his assistance, Lord and Lady Pelennor invite Falk to visit their estate. Is there no end to their generosity? Is there no escape? Is chili better than rashers for your supper? Listen to find out!

111. Cut Down in His Prime - New radio show called The Loner about a drifter who finds bodies and solves crimes. So many bodies.

113. Don't Kid a Kidder - For two bits per day plus expenses, you can hire Billy Narrator, boy detective to solve your mysteries. Where’s my missing cat? Does Georgia like me? Where’d that corpse come from? Listen to find out!

As you can see, it's hard for me to pick out only a few because they all sound good. Are you sure you don't want to start with episode one and listen to every one? Maybe after you try a few you'll come back for more.

Go to Health - Episode 123

Medical help for Falk's wound is right around the corner, but how will he get past The Health Access Facilitator? Will corporate bureaucracy spell his doom? You're gonna use an Allen wrench on a pipe fitting? Listen to find out!

Go to Health, episode 123 of This Gun in My Hand, was doctored by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. How do I ensure every episode goes out with a bang? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. The President of the United States depicted in this episode is fictional, not meant to represent the president you’re thinking of. Any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
2. I thought it would make the nurse sound uninformed about plumbing if she thought an Allen wrench would help tighten a loose pipe fitting, but maybe one of those hose clamps with the bolt that tightens it could have an Allen bolt? Slightly autobiographical scene – even when I understand what tools and parts need to be used for a plumbing repair, my trouble is usually trying to fit the wrench into a tight and awkward position.

Credits:
The opening music clip was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music Title: Impact Allegretto
by Kevin MacLeod
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 International
https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Kevin_MacLeod/Impact/Impact_Allegretto_1100/

"Gun Doctor" music and hoofbeats taken from the September 2, 1954 episode of the radio show Dr. Sixgun.
License: Public Domain
https://archive.org/details/otr_drsixgun

Sound Effect Title: laser gun blasts #2
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/377971/ 

Sound Effect Title: Laser Machine Gun
By Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://soundbible.com/1774-Laser-Machine-Gun.html

Sound Effect Title: Laser Machine Gun
by sonically_sound
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/s/612875/ 

Sound Effect Title: S18-25 Rifle shots battle.wav
by craigsmith
License: Publid Domain
https://freesound.org/s/675666/ 

Sound Effect Title: distant rumbling thunderstorm, ambience
by greyfeather
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/712914/ 

Sound Effect Title: Rumble of the rain in Africa during the rain season
by felix.blume
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/190139/ 

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode includes modified details of panels from the public domain comics Robotmen of The Lost Planet Number 1 (1952), art by Gene Fawcette, and General Electric’s Adventures in Electronics (1955), art by George Roussous.

Certainly No Angels - Episode 122

Can Falk persuade a string of villains to change their ways? How can you avoid entanglements with your secretary? Would you like to wrestle now? Listen to find out!

Certainly No Angels, episode 122 of This Gun in My Hand, was certified angular by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What do I use to put the boom in the boiler room? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Would a gray-on-gray costume fit with a “summer” seasonal color palette? It’s possible that Writer’s Brick doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Credits:
The opening and some transitional music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Transitional music around the commercial and the “Writer’s Brick” musical sting were from the June 9, 1946 episode of the public domain radio show US Steel Hour of Mystery. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Music Title: Lobby Time
By Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Lobby_Time_(ISRC_USUAN1600054).mp3

Sound Effect Title: footsteps cellar.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/gecop/sounds/545030/

Sound Effect Title: Gun Fire
By GoodSoundForYou
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/1998-Gun-Fire.html

Sound Effect Title: mechanical alarm clock
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/522119/

Sound Effect Title: S18-13 Explosion with falling debris.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/674889/ 

Sound Effect Title: R12-02-Large Explosions.wav by craigsmith
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/486018/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the inside cover of the public domain comic book Police Lineup Number 1 (August 1951), art by Wally Wood.

Uniquely Heroic Americans - Episode 121

What are the mysterious objects seen flying over Santopolis? Can Falk stop them with the help of a new paramilitary force made up of old familiar faces? How do you feel about cilantro? Listen to find out!

Uniquely Heroic Americans, episode 121 of This Gun in My Hand, was seasoned and lorded over by Rob Northrup. This episode and all others are available on Youtube with automatically-generated closed captions of dialog. Visit http://ThisGuninMyHand.blogspot.com for credits, show notes, archives, and to buy my books, such as Sisyphus, Eat Your Heart Out, available in paperback and ebook from Amazon. What makes my chili taste uniquely American? This Gun in My Hand!

Show Notes:
1. Is this the first episode to quote Dead Kennedys lyrics? Maybe.
2. Darn, I should have started the ad with “speaking of motherships…”
3. Robert Thomas Northrup’s mother did not rewrite the ad text in this episode. Some unnamed fictional character who wrote the ad might have solicited notes and rewrites from their mother, or might have been lying. Many statements made by characters in This Gun in My Hand are lies or mistakes. That’s for you to determine because your interpretation is more important than the actual author’s intent. See “The Death of the Author,” an essay by Roland Barthes.
https://web.archive.org/web/20200419132326/http://www.ubu.com/aspen/aspen5and6/threeEssays.html#barthes
4. “In the Western world, Persia (or its cognates) was historically the common name for Iran. In 1935, Reza Shah asked foreign delegates and League of Nations to use the term Iran (‘Land of the Aryans’), the endonym of the country, used by its native people, in formal correspondence.” - “Reza Shah,” Wikipedia, 2 January 2025, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reza_Shah#Replacement_of_Persia_with_Iran

Credits:
The opening music was from The Sun Sets at Dawn (1950), and the closing music was from Killer Bait (1949), both films in the public domain. Transitional music around the commercial was from the June 9, 1946 episode of the public domain radio show US Steel Hour of Mystery. Most of the music and sound effects used in the episode are modified or incomplete versions of the originals.

Sound Effect Title: tug boat horn - sound effect.wav
By komal22moiz
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
https://freesound.org/people/komal22moiz/sounds/380825/

Sound Effect Title: R11-19-Army Marching Steadily.wav
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/480434/ 

(another marching sound to layer with above)
Sound Effect Title: Chân Lính
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/546791/ 

Sound Effect Title: Stomach Rumble
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/yrdn/sounds/473989/

Sound Effect Title: groaning1.flac
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/people/borygmi/sounds/414975/

Sound Effect Title: 38 Caliber Gun Shot 5x
Recorded by Mike Koenig
License: Creative Commons Attribution 3.0
http://soundbible.com/375-38-Caliber-Gun-Shot-5x.html

Sound Effect Title: Kimmokkeita / Ricochets
By YleArkisto
License: Creative Commons Attribution 4.0
https://freesound.org/people/YleArkisto/sounds/401921/

Sound Effect Title: A slap or smack in the face
License: Public Domain
https://freesound.org/s/522596/ 

The image accompanying this episode is a modified detail of the cover of the public domain comic book Fightin’ Marines Number 14 (May 1955), artist unknown.
https://digitalcomicmuseum.com/index.php?dlid=21270